spamalot } { of lost paths and gifts

[beanchaointe]

Parrish: [is actually off duty that night and decides to go to the bar below his apartment for dinner because they have good wings with their beer. So he gets a spot at the bar and orders his food and beer]

Lydia: [doesn't really do bars much anymore. Hasn't since Boston. While it probably would make her life easier to become a functioning alcoholic, she doesn't want to fall into the trap of self-medicating. That's a road that can be hard to come back from, and she wants to be able to use this ... thing, whatever it is, for good. She can't do that if she's drowning it out. Tonight, however, is something different. Tonight it's not the crazy she's trying to suppress, it's the fact that tonight she ran into Jackson Whittemore, his beautiful wife and they're lovely daughter and it struck her how much of herself she's lost. She's drinking because she doesn't know how to be a banshee and Lydia Martin at the same time and she wants Lydia Martin back. but she has no idea how to find her. Until she can figure that out, she climbs onto a bar stool, orders herself a rum and coke and ... for the most part, stares at it until she figures out where to start.]

Parrish: [while he's nursing his beer and watching the game, he looks over and sees the redhead. He can tell she's not happy, but she's just staring at her drink instead of, you know, drinking it. Finally he gets up and walks over to her] Lydia, right? You doing okay?

Lydia: [she glances up at her name and blinks at him for a moment before she places him] Deputy Parrish. I'm ... I'm fine. It was just a long day.

Parrish: Want someone to talk it out with? I mean, sometimes it's easier to just speak it out. Keep it all in your head and you'll just keep going around in circles.

Lydia: [she huffs a bit of a laugh] That's very sweet of you, but trust me. You don't want to know my problems.

Parrish: Maybe not, but doesn't mean I don't want to help.

Lydia: [she continues to look at him for a moment, considering, before licking her lips and turning to face him more] I ran into my ex-boyfriend tonight.

Parrish: [nods] You need like five more of those in front of you. [but he moves to sit next to her, his face showing he would be a willing listener]

Lydia: [she laughs] It wasn't a bad break up. It was ... high school. Forever ago. But he was with his wife, and his little girl and ... he was doing really well. And I just used to always pride myself on doing better.

Parrish: And being halfway to a Field's Medal isn't doing better? I mean, anyone can have a wife and a kid.

Lydia: I just used to be ... more. "Lydia Martin" used to mean something.

Parrish: Well, what did it mean? [his wings arrive.] You don't mind if I eat while we talk, right?

Lydia: [she shakes her head] I ... I don't even know anymore. But I wasn't practically a shut-in who was scared of her own shadow I was ... [there's a half laugh] I was feared.

Parrish: Feared? [he goes to pick up a wing with one hand, a napkin in the other to hold under it so he didn't drip.] Well, that doesn't sound very good. But neither does the shut in part.

Lydia: I don't want to be her completely. She was ... lonely, more than anything else. But I miss the confidence.

Parrish: [and he finishes his wing before talking again] Okay, so then you need to find what it was in you that made you confident like that before.

Lydia: I thought I knew everything. I thought I was the smartest person in the room - and to be fair, I usually was - but when the biggest unknown thing ... when the problem you can't solve is inside your own head? It's hard to feel like you have all the answers.

Parrish: [looks around the bar] Well, I'm pretty sure you're the smartest person in this room. But life's full of a lot of unknowns. But maybe not all puzzles are meant to be solved? I mean, that's what miracles are. And magic. Things you can't explain, but you know it exists and happens, and you just embrace it for what it is.

Lydia: Sure. It exists and it happens and I feel like I have no control over my own mind. How is a person supposed to be confident in that?

Parrish: [thinks a moment, then shrugs] This is about the psychic stuff, isn't it?

Lydia: [sighs] I'm not psychic.

Parrish: But you're something, right?

Lydia: [she takes a deep breath before nodding]

Parrish: Okay, well... and go with me here. [he puts the wing in his hand down] So maybe it sucks that whatever this thing is puts you on the path for finding dead bodies... but from what I've been reading, some of them we probably never would have found on our own. So in a way, you're helping some victims get found. And give their families some kind of peace while giving us a starting place to find who did it. And as a police officer... that's a very big thing.

Lydia: [no, it is a big thing. She gets that. But at the same time ...] Have you heard of banshees before?

Parrish: Not really.

Lydia: They're ... death omens. When a banshee screams, someone is going to die - you can't change it or stop it. I hear these voices and noises and I lose time. I wind up places and don't know how I got there and the only thing I can seem to do is find dead bodies. How long can someone do that before they lose their mind completely?

Parrish: [he blinks a moment, because... nope, he doesn't really know things like that really exist. But he's one of those guys who grew up with a mama telling him that there were more things in nature than he would even understand. This is probably one of those times] Probably not long, as long as that's all they let themselves focus on. I mean, you do more than that in a day, right?

Lydia: [she pulls back and nods, staring at her drink again] Of course. I have my work, and my roommate, my friends. But that only goes so far. What happens when I have to scream for them?

Parrish: Well, hopefully that won't have to be for a long time. But that's not something you can control - them dying.

Lydia: [jury's still out on that one. But at the same time] I just ... everyone else I know who's something has something they can do. They can be proactive. I've had someone working with me on this, but no matter what research we do it's just ... it's like all I'll ever be able to do is find the bodies. I don't want to find the bodies, I want to be able to do something.

Parrish: [nods] Well, not that it helps, but you ever thought about maybe a job in law enforcement? Because that way at least what you're doing now you'd have the power to do all the post investigation work too...

Lydia: [she laughs. well, a laugh at the idea of her with a badge and a gun] Don't let the heels fool you. I'm all of 5'3". Most bad guys would run me over without breaking a sweat. [a beat] Besides, that might only make me crazier faster.

Parrish: [laughs] Okay, scratch that idea. Maybe... [he sighs and slumps] I wish I could come up with more ideas. I'm sure if you give me a few days, I'll come up with some, but right now I'm coming up short.

Lydia: [sighs softly and there's a small smile] It's okay. I appreciate you trying.

Parrish: But what I can do is offer to get you another drink. But seeing you haven't touched your first one, it's a bit premature.

Lydia: [blinks before glancing back to the full glass in front of her, playing with the straw for a moment. She shouldn't just let it sit there, but she's also realizing that she hasn't eaten in a while either.] Would buying me a burger be an acceptable compromise?

Parrish: Sure. Whatever you want, it's on me.

Lydia: [nods before turning to order the burger from the bartender. She reaches for her drink and then turns back to him] Also, no more talking about me. I feel like you know the most intimate thing about me, and I know nothing about you.

Parrish: Well, I find you interesting. Can't blame a guy for wanting to know more.

Lydia: Because I keep finding dead bodies?

Parrish: Partially.

Lydia: What's the other part?

Parrish: Well, you've obviously a very intelligent mind, and yet you're here and not off teaching at some university. And you're really far too beautiful to be a shut-in...

Lydia: I teach. CalState Bakersfield. Not Ivy League, but something, at least. [the beautiful comment gets to her, though. She hasn't really seen herself as beautiful in a long time]

Parrish: I stand corrected. [he smiles though]

Lydia: And we're still talking about me. [that's against the rules, clearly] Where are you from?

Parrish: Ojai, originally.

Lydia: So not too far from home then.

Parrish: Just far enough that I couldn't commute. Not that I really had a place there to commute from.

Lydia: What do you mean?

Parrish: Ojai was the boarding house I grew up in.

Lydia: Oh. [she's smart enough to read between the lines] I'm sorry.

Parrish: Nothing to be sorry about. It's not like they died on me - I never had them.

Lydia: So what brought you to Beacon Hills?

Parrish: [shrugs] I dunno, I was just drawn here, and there were openings on the force. I had been in the army for a few years, made a few friends, but after seeing war close up I just wasn't up for a second tour.

Lydia: I guess you're lucky they let you go.

Parrish: Guess so. Anyway, I did a year or two on the Ojai force and it was pretty, but way too boring for me.

Lydia: And Beacon Hills is exciting?

Parrish: At least here I feel useful. My most exciting call back there was trying to get a yorkie out of a sewer drain.

Lydia: [smirks a bit] I see your point.

Parrish: You don't have a yorkie at all, do you? Because no offense, they are the most annoying dogs ever.

Lydia: In high school I had a Pomeranian named Prada. We had to put him to sleep when I was in undergrad, though. [and now she has a werewolf]

Parrish: I'm sorry to hear that.

Lydia: She had a good long life. She was sick - it was for the best.

Parrish: I'm sure she left the world knowing she had been loved and was a good girl.

Lydia: [she nods] She did. [she flew home from Northwestern for it.]

Parrish: [and look, burger is delivered, as well as a new beer to refill Parrish's... even though he didn't ask for it. The bartender winked at him before he walked away]

Lydia: [her eyebrows go up a bit] Someone has an admirer.

Parrish: I get that a lot. Can't help I was born extremely handsome.

Lydia: [there's a half-laugh, but it's a bit brighter than it was previously and she bites down on a fry] Extremely might be overstating it a bit.

Parrish: You haven’t seen me in my army uniform.

Lydia: I suppose I'll have to hold my opinion until then.

Parrish: Well, not to make it sound like I'm trying to invite you back to my place, but I live upstairs and I have it in my closet.

Lydia: [she pauses for a moment, before reaching for the basket with her burger with one hand and her drink with the other] Well? [it feels good. it feels like her. She's going with it. And it gets her out of the bar]

Parrish: .... [blinks because wow, did that actually work?]

Lydia: [apparently. Are you going to leave her waiting, Parrish?]

Parrish: Um, sure. Hey, Sandy? Put this all on my tab.

Sandy: [looks over and nods] Sure thing, Jordy. See you tomorrow.

Parrish: [finishes his beer and grabs his wings] Come on, I'll show you up.

Lydia: Jordy? [She's just going to smirk a bit as she follows him]

Parrish: [holds the door open for her and motions towards the back alley] I hate it when she calls me that.

Lydia: I can see why. [she takes a sip of her rum and Coke as she follows him] Why are you living over a bar?

Parrish: Because I don't need a lot of space, don't make a lot as a deputy, and the wings are fabulous. [opens the door that leads to the stairs up to his apartment]

Lydia: [smirks, amused, and looks around] But doesn't it get loud?

Parrish: Only on my days off. I usually get the overnight shift, and the Bar is closed in the morning so I can usually get good sleep.

Lydia: [she nods] I suppose that works out, then.

Parrish: And again, the wings are fabulous. [and he opens the door, and it's a very interesting studio apartment. There's a bed tucked away behind a bookcase, a living room that just blends into the dining room and kitchen, and a door leading off to what is the bathroom. There's a freestanding dresser and armoire across from the bed. And it's a bit messy] Sorry, I wasn't really expecting a guest.

Lydia: It's fine. I'm going to be living with a four year-old soon, I should probably get used to it.

Parrish: You're adopting?

Lydia: No. My roommate's boyfriend and his daughter are moving in with us. Or, I should say fiancé - they're getting married.

Parrish: ... That wouldn't be Sheriff's kid?

Lydia: [blinks] Stiles, yeah. We went to high school together.

Parrish: Yeah, well Sheriff was talking about his son getting married again. ... his name is actually Stiles?

Lydia: No. Don't ask what his real name is - none of us can say it.

Parrish: Fair enough. You're real name is actually Lydia though? Right?

Lydia: [she laughs] Yes. It's actually Lydia.

Parrish: Good, because I'm not sure I even could think of what Lydia would be short for. [he heads into the kitchen and goes to grab himself a bottle of water from the fridge] Want anything?

Lydia: [she shakes her head before heading over to what's probably the dining room table and placing her burger down] I'm good.

Parrish: [goes and sits across from her] So, how about this - we trade questions back and forth while we eat, and get to know each other, and after I'm done, I can do put the uniform on so that I don't get sauce all over it.

Lydia: Sounds fair. [she settles and picks up her burger.] You first?

Parrish: Alright. I'll start with easy stuff. How old are you?

Lydia: I just turned twenty-eight last March. [she'll keep it easy for him too, just so she knows what she's getting into] You?

Parrish: Twenty four. I turn twenty five at the end of August.

Lydia: [she nods. Okay, not too young. At least she doesn't feel like a cradle robber]

Parrish: So what made you interested in math?

Lydia: I've just always been really good with numbers. I loved to read as well, but math ... speaks to me. If that makes any sense.

Parrish: No, it makes sense. I mean, if your heart is there, that's where you go.

Lydia: [nods a bit] Why the army?

Parrish: Originally? The GI bill. Figured I'd do a tour, shape up, and by the time I got out I'd figure out what I wanted to do with my life and go get the education. But all I really got was that I liked protecting people and helping, so. [shrugs]

Lydia: So that's how you wound up a cop?

Parrish: Yup. Lived with one of my foster brothers for a bit, but like I said, bored there so I felt a calling to serve here and came.

Lydia: [she nods a bit] Technically I asked two, so you get two.

Parrish: [takes a sip of his drink while thinking] So when you say banshee... you think that things like that are real? Like you know, creatures not human stuff?

Lydia: [she smirks a bit at that] I know they're real. I've ... been given irrefutable proof at this point.

Parrish: Oh?

Lydia: [sighs softly] You've been in Beacon Hills how long and you haven't heard about the werewolves yet?

Parrish: [ blinks, wide eyed] Werewolves? You're kidding, right?

Lydia: [she raises an eyebrow as she takes another bite of her burger] Do I look like I'm kidding?

Parrish: No... but I just... I thought they were all stories.

Lydia: Most of them want you to keep thinking that way.

Parrish: But they're fine with you telling people?

Lydia: I already told you I was a banshee. And I'm not going to tell you who the werewolves are. [she gives a bit of a shrug] You seem like the kind of guy who knows how to keep a secret.

Parrish: Well, I mean it is part of the job, you know, keeping things confidential. [thinks] Does the Sheriff know about the werewolves?

Lydia: [nods a bit] He does. He works with them for some of the ... stranger cases.

Parrish: [nods slowly, then stands up] I think I need another beer.

Lydia: [smirks a bit] Now I've got three. [she drums her fingers against the table, considering as she waits for him to come back]

Parrish: Hey, follow up questions don't count when it's not about you.

Lydia: The rules were a question for a question.

Parrish: That's not fair. You can't drop a bomb of "hey werewolves exist" and not expect me to want more information.

Lydia: [she laughs] I never said I didn't. I just want my due.

Parrish: Okay, so I had two because you had two, and if I did three that means you only have two as well, Miss Numbers. [smirks]

Lydia: Uh-uh. I counted those. You actually asked five.

Parrish: [stops and goes over the convo in his head and sighs] Fine, but I'm not asking if you want another beer so if you want one, nod your head.

Lydia: [she laughs a bit and nods. a beer is good.]

Parrish: [and he goes to open both of them, putting one in front of her before taking his seat and going at his last two wings while she asks her questions]

Lydia: [takes a deep breath] What were you going to major in? For school, I mean.

Parrish: Well, when I was still thinking about it, I was leaning towards like social work. Then I thought business would be better because everyone can get a job with a business degree. And for a hot minute I was thinking of culinary school but then I realized I didn't like to cook, just likes to eat.

Lydia: [smirks] You could have been a food critic.

Parrish: I could, but the travel channel tends to have shows already about every kind of food I like, so I'd just be retelling everything they already said.

Lydia: Ah. [she pauses for a moment, considering her next question] Why didn't you go into social work?

Parrish: I guess because I remember all the workers that had to deal with me as a kid and how it dragged them down after a while that they just didn't care. I mean, you knew who was new to the children's services gig not by their age, but by their optimism.

Lydia: And you don't think being a cop means you won't lose that hope?

Parrish: Well, if I'm good at my job, I'm hopefully actually making a difference and saving people. Social work you can't rescue the kids. It's a system and they just have to go through it.

Lydia: Mmmm. I hope Beacon Hills doesn't do you in in the process.

Parrish: Hope not. And that was three, so it's back to my turn?

Lydia: [she nods]

Parrish: So tell me what you were like the day before all this "banshee" stuff started. I want to know what we're aiming for to get you back at.

Lydia: [she exhales slowly, trying to think] I ... I was smart. Self-assured. [Human. She pauses again] I was working on my second year on the MA program at MIT, I was living with a friend ... things were good.

Parrish: You knew who you were and what you wanted.

Lydia: [she nods] It was easy.

Parrish: [nods. he has more, but he's waiting his turn this time]

Lydia: [swallows for a moment, before trying to come up with her next question] Do you have a lot of friends in Beacon Hills? Or back home? [she's not directly asking about his girlfriend, but it may be implied. a little.]

Parrish: [he shakes his head] Not yet. I mean, well beside present company, I don't know many people in town except the guys on the force, but not sure I'd go drinking with any of them. I got a couple of people back in Ojai but not really close with. A few guys from my squad but most of them reenlisted.

Lydia: [nods] It must be lonely.

Parrish: It can be, but I figure once I really settle in, I'll find my own groove.

Lydia: [nods a bit as she takes a sip of her beer] Your turn.

Parrish: Do you still know what you want, and if so, what is it?

Lydia: [she's quiet for a moment] I want my Fields medal. I want to be able to figure this out. But beyond that ... I don't know if I can have most of the things I wanted before.

Parrish: Why not? Just because you have a gift, it doesn't mean you can't have them.

Lydia: It's not a gift! [it's not. It's not something she's proud of or wanted or even useful. Not from the way she's staring at it. Her head drops slightly as she buries her face in her hands, running her fingers through her hair] If it's anything, it's a curse.

Parrish: [licks his lips] Not that I have experience knowing the day to day side of it... but things are only curses when you let them be.

Lydia: [she looks up at him] You want to know how this happened to me? A damn alpha werewolf bit me. He tried to turn me into one of them, but for some reason it didn't work, and it didn't kill me. I didn't get the super senses or strength or speed or anything that actually helps people. I just got voices in my head and losing time and finding dead bodies and terrifying my best friend when the man she loves get shot and all I can do is scream. How is that not a curse?

Parrish: So in all this time, you haven't done a single thing with it that would make you believe it's worth having?

Lydia: Nothing I actually know how to make work. Nothing that I know was actually me.

Parrish: [tilts his head] But there is something. Something you think was you and you don't know how to work, but if it was and you did, would be worth it?

Lydia: [she pauses for a moment] No. I don't know. I still don't even know what it was.

Parrish: [leans back, his detective face on] I think you do. I think you do and it's something amazing and powerful and if you can figure it out, you'll make an amazing difference using it.

Lydia: [her eyes look up at him and she wants to believe him, but she's doesn't know how] How are you so sure?

Parrish: Because from what you've told me, you're great with numbers and felt that you had a good life. And anything bad you have going is only linked to this that it's overwhelming you. And it's different, and scary and you don't understand it because it doesn't work in your way that your math does. But the way you react isn't really so much anger, but it's fear. And fear can be conquered, and when you conquer the things that make you afraid, you're unstoppable, You just have to figure out ways to look at it that doesn't tell you that it's ruining your life, but to find the parts that make you stronger for it. [he holds up his hands] And yeah, I know you how can losing time and hearing voices and finding dead bodies make you stronger? It's not that, I don't think so. I think it's the part of you that's tuning into it. The part of you that is resisting because you're scared and hate it may be keeping you from being able to tune into more that will lead you to the good parts of it.

Lydia: I don't care about being more. I never did. I just want to not feel like I'm losing my mind all the time.

Parrish: Maybe that's the key in feeling that way.

Lydia: [she closes her eyes] I don't know.

Parrish: Of course you don't. But if I spent half the time in the army just staring at things that I didn't know and didn't try... pretty sure I would have exploded myself on a mine my first week in Afghanistan.

Lydia: [she huffs] This isn't going to stop when my tour is up. This is the rest of my life.

Parrish: And how long have you had this going on?

Lydia: Almost five years.

Parrish: [nods] And there's no other banshees anywhere in the world you can ask for training?

Lydia: None that I've found. The person who's been helping me isn't one, and before me, he's only heard of them in theory.

Parrish: Well, I highly doubt you're the only one. I mean, you're not a unicorn. I can see if I can find if there are any other police stations in the states that have a person in their jurisdiction that just happens to show up at murder scenes.

Lydia: [she blinks for a moment, before shaking her head] I don't know.

Parrish: What are you scared of?

Lydia: [her eyes fall to her hands] Eichen House.

Parrish: ... Okay, I'll give you that one. But I'm pretty sure you don't need to worry about that just yet. Let's see if we can find you another one of you somewhere in the world to talk to.

Lydia: [swallows hard closing her eyes and shaking him off] I should talk to Peter first.

Parrish: [nods] Well, if its something i can do to help, just let me know.

Lydia: [she nods. She's quiet for a moment, before ...] Thank you.

Parrish: [smiles] You're welcome.

Lydia: [takes a deep breath, looking at her empty basket and starting to get to her feet] I ... I should probably go.

Parrish: I'll walk you back to your car. After all, my apartment does butt out to an alley by a bar. Wouldn't want anyone getting ideas.

Lydia: [she nods a bit. she wouldn't say no to that, at least] Thanks.

Parrish: [and he goes to walk her, opening the doors for her as they go]

Lydia: [her car isn't far, and when she reaches the door, she turns back to him with a smile] Thank you for the burger. And the beer. [and the talking]

Parrish: Not a problem. And hey, you know where I usually get my dinners when I'm not on duty, so you ever want to repeat performance, you know where to go.

Lydia: [she nods a bit, before taking a step into him, and pushing up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek]

Parrish: [he grins at that, blushing a bit before going to open her car door for her] Have a good rest of your night, Lydia.

Lydia: You too, Jordan. [and with that, she'll get in her car and go drive home]

Parrish: [and he's going to go home and probably find some sport thing on TV to watch before falling asleep in his bed.]

Lydia: [and Lydia will ... eventually ask Peter about the finding other banshees thing, but she's going to stew on it for a few days first]