canon au } { post-s4, of making amends and letting go

[hereditare]

Derek: I come in peace to talk.

Laura: So you brought a flag?

Derek: Yes I did.

Laura: [shakes her head a bit before waving him in] Get in here.

Derek: [goes to enter, the first time he had been here in forever and wow the smells are overwhelming and stop him in his tracks]

Laura: [goes to curl up on the couch, watching him as she does] Yeah. I did the same thing.

Derek: I can see why you like it up here. [goes to sit across from her, trying not to let the feelings roll over him right now]

Laura: [nods a bit] It's so quiet and away from everything. It's like you can pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist.

Derek: Yeah, probably a good thing too when your little brother is being a stubborn pain in the ass.

Laura: [she smirks a bit at that] It works out rather well that way.

Derek: And I'm sorry I blew up at you.

Laura: [exhales a bit as that hurdle is jumped] Thank you.

Derek: I just take a lot of personal responsibility for Peter... and the thought of losing him... or any of you... I just can't handle.

Laura: [sighs softly] I wasn't saying that I was going to do it right then and there.

Derek: I know. But I tend to feel like Peter's welfare is my responsibility after everything.

Laura: But he's not, Derek. It's just as much his responsibility as it is yours.

Derek: I know...I know. I just... I can't stop not feeling guilty about it.

Laura: Why? Because of Kate?

Derek: [just nods, sucking on his lower lip]

Laura: [she shifts a bit, before leaning forward to face him more] If you're going to make him your responsibility, you have to be responsible for all of it. That includes eliminating him as a threat if he becomes one.

Derek: I already did that once, Laura. I did it because of what he did to you.

Laura: [she shakes her head] That's different. That was for revenge. There's a difference between revenge and doing what's best for the pack. What's best for Peter.

Derek: Yeah. I talked with him. And Cora. And I get that. And I get that my stance on this isn't really about Peter. It's about what's best for me. Because I don't know if I can handle losing him again.

Laura: Yes, you will. You won't be alone this time.

Derek: And what if we lose you too, and losing you spurs him onto insanity. You don't see how hard he's trying to make sure we find a way to help Dean so we save you. I think he's putting everything into this because we thinks you deserve to be here more than him. He's trying to earn forgiveness from all of us, and Mom.

Laura: Derek. [she sighs softly, before reaching forward and taking his hands] If I die, it's no one's fault. I told you when you started this, that if anyone's going to die because of this, it's me.

Derek: Doesn't matter. You die, the three of us break, and if Peter breaks, then we have to handle him, and that leaves Cora and I dealing with losing everyone all over again.

Laura: But you'll be able to pull through it. Peter and I were on borrowed time anyway.

Derek: [shakes his head] That doesn't make me feel better

Laura: Hey. Look at me. [she tugs on his hands to get him to face her]

Derek: [he looks up at her sadly with a sigh]

Laura: [gives his hands a soft squeeze] Whatever the end of this is, you'll be fine. You and Cora can lean on each other if the worst happens and you have Dawn and the pack. You're not alone. They're family too.

Derek: The problem is though... I don't want to lose any of you. I'm tired of losing people. I can't keep doing this Laura. I'm not fine with it. I haven't been since I nearly lost Dawn... [he lowers his head, trying not to lose his composure] I can't do this anymore.

Laura: [reaches for him and pulls him closer, sliding her arms around her shoulders, keeping him close]

Derek: [and he's just going to curl into her the way he had a few days after the fire when she had finally got him to open up about his pain. He was still dealing with the fact he had died and evolved and was only just starting to understand what he was, and here he was worrying about Peter's sanity, his sister back from the dead and at risk of losing her again, Dawn having lost all her memories and fighting to get her back, dealing with Cora growing up and into an adult and walking the fine line with her, and trying to help Scott learn to be the alpha they knew he could be. It was too much, too overwhelming and he had kept pushing it all back to try and be happy and relax and hope it would all just go away as they moved on from that day everything had happened, but it wasn't and it was starting to make him crack and he just couldn't breathe sometimes when he thought about it all]

Laura: [curls her arms around him, her hand stroking over the back of his head as she keeps him close] You don't have to hold it all together, Derek.

Derek: I do. There may not be a Hale alpha, but I told mom I would take care of this city. Of our family. I have to be strong.

Laura: Being strong doesn't mean holding it all in.

Derek: There hasn't been time to not be.

Laura: There's time now.

Derek: [he shook his head against her shoulder] Not now

Laura: Yes, now. Right now. Exactly now.

Derek: [he laughed sadly against her shoulder] God, still giving me orders after all these years.

Laura: I am your older sister. I will boss you around until the day you die.

Derek: Been there, done that, joined the come back from club.

Laura: I will boss you around until the day you die again.

Derek: [he chuckled at that] Then you need to make sure you stick around for it.

Laura: You're deflecting.

Derek: Doesn't mean it's not true.

Laura: Derek.

Derek: [huffs]

Laura: You're safe here.

Derek: I really just can't right now. Maybe another time, but I can't.

Laura: If not now, when? When you're losing it? Because if things are as bad as you say, you can't afford to have a breakdown, and if you just keep stashing it away, you will.

Derek: Having a breakdown now isn't going to make later easier.

Laura: Yes it will. Because you'll have gotten it out there. And you can pull yourself back from that.

Derek: [just shakes his head, not believing it]

Laura: Yes, you can. Do you trust me?

Derek: You know I do.

Laura: Then trust me to help you through it.

Derek: [he sighs, rubbing at his face] Fine.

Laura: [good. And now she'll wait, letting him get himself started]