new york wolves } { of meddling friends and reconnecting

[impetere]

Cora: ... The hell?

Stiles: [looks up, confused] Did he just... did he just lock us in?

Cora: I think so. That is a fire hazard.

Stiles: Well, maybe it's just that door. I mean, keeping us safe from someone else coming in to disturb us while we're working with chemicals.

Cora: [her eyebrows go up at that for a moment before making her way over to the opposite door and trying the handle. It doesn't budge.] Nope, he totally locked us in.

Stiles: [looks at the windows but no, they are the kind that don't open except for the tiny crack that opens inward with a crack] Well, he won't be gone long. It's not like we can't break the door if we have to. [goes back to looking at the lab notes]

Cora: [sighs heavily before nodding and going back to work] Guess so.

Stiles: [and he's going to focus on it, but the fact they were alone] I'm sorry, by the way. For the other day.

Cora: It's fine. It was ... a weird day.

Stiles: I know, I just... it doesn't stay in my system long, you know. Maybe a few minutes after I finish one. I'm not looking to get high for the high. It just helps me clear my head.

Cora: [she pauses for a moment, writing down something under the observations before glancing back to him] If you let something do something for you for too long, eventually you won't be able to do it without it. We may not be susceptible to the physical parts of addiction as much as everyone else but the psychological ones, definitely. The longer you tell yourself it's okay, the more likely it is it's not.

Stiles: Just like the longer we tell ourselves we're fine, when we really aren't? [it's said softly, but it's true, at least for him and it's the first hint he's admitting it]

Cora: [her hand pauses for a moment before she nods] Yeah. Something like that.

Stiles: [nods, going back to the lab before looking at the window]

Cora: [she pauses for a moment, before glancing over to him. She watches him quietly for a moment before speaking] You know I love you, right?

Stiles: [he looked over at her, sad] I wasn't sure anymore. After what you said and.... I heard there's another guy now.

Cora: [she sighs, before shaking her head] Tyler's mated to someone else. What we have was more about ... helping me figure some stuff out. It's not romantic.

Stiles: Oh. [he looked at his hands a moment, folding them on top of the desk]

Cora: What I figured out is that, the way I was with you? It wasn't good for me. I loved you and I was happy but ... in a lot of ways, that's all I was. Maybe not to you, but to me.

Stiles: [nods] I know. That's why I kept trying to get us out to do things that you hadn't tried. I wanted to help give you a life, like I had wanted when I first met you. You were so quiet, and just always hiding behind your books. I knew you were more and wanted to help in the little time I thought I had left.

Cora: Yeah, but all of those things we did were just ... connected to you. All those new things you made me try were things that I couldn't do again when you were gone because it hurt. [she takes a deep breath] I was so angry with you when it was over and it wasn't all about what you did to Laura. It was about everything I was losing. Everything that made me me at that point was you.

Stiles: [he nods sadly] Yeah, I can understand that. Mostly because after... after I got turned, you were all I really had to focus on. You saved my life. You loved me... you were all I wanted, and I would do anything to protect you.

Cora: We can't ... we can't do this to each other. Not if it's going to really work.

Stiles: [he looked back up at her, confused]

Cora: [sighs softly and turns to face him] We can't be only okay when we're with each other. That kind of dependence ... it's not healthy. And it doesn't just hurt us it hurts the people around us.

Stiles: But you're... you're wanting to be with me again? [he's cautious and confused, unsure what Cora's saying]

Cora: No ... [she pauses before turning to face him completely] I can't be with you again until I ... I can do those things without needing you. Until I feel like I'm something more than Stiles’ girlfriend. Until I'm Cora.

Stiles: [he just nods, looking back at his hands, the little hope flicker fading again in his face to the sad puppy] Yeah... yeah I get that.

Cora: [she watches him for a moment] I think you need it too.

Stiles: For me to feel like I'm Cora? [a lame attempt to hide his emotions from the surface]

Cora: For you to feel like you're Stiles.

Stiles: [he nods, and then scratches at his nose] It's kinda hard to do that when you don't like the guy anymore.

Cora: Why not?

Stiles: [he reached up to rub at his eyes a moment.] Have you met me lately? I'm kind of a jerk.

Cora: I haven't really seen a lot of you lately. You didn't seem that bad.

Stiles: [he gives her a sad smile] That's because I love you. I try to be on better behavior around you.

Cora: See, that's it. It shouldn't be just me. It shouldn't be all about trying to make it back to where we were. We have to ... go somewhere new.

Stiles: You said you wanted the boy you fell in love back, Cora. I'm not him anymore. I haven't been since... since... since the day I was kidnapped.

Cora: Yeah, but after that I realized I wasn't that girl anymore either.

Stiles: [he had been trying to say more in that, but he just sighed.]

Cora: [she glances down because she knows she missed something but she doesn't know what that is] Just say what you need to say, Stiles.

Stiles: [he thinks a moment] You remember how long it took you after Kate Agent took you for you to be comfortable and safe?

Cora: [she nods. It took a while]

Stiles: You had your pack to take of you. You had me. You were surrounded by people who loved you and protected you. [ he looks at his hands before wiping at his eyes again] I had a week that I lived in fear and lies because everywhere I looked, I saw him. And then was told to go away. I get why you did it, and I don't blame you... but that doesn't mean I've found a way to bounce back.

Cora: [her eyes close as she looks down at her hands again] I'm sorry. But ... I don't know what you want me to do.

Stiles: You can't do anything, Cora. I just want you to understand that I haven't known how to be anything but this since that day. And I really, really miss my pack. And I know my choices ruined that, but it doesn't mean I don't miss it. Your family was mine for a year. And now I don't know where I stand in anything. How am I supposed to be able to figure out who I am when all I am is someone left to fend on my own because I made one mistake out of desperation? How am I supposed to find myself when I hate everything I am and it's all my own doing? How do I move on when all I want to do is to stop hurting for just a few seconds so I can breathe? [he's calm as he talks, not looking up, not putting any blame in his voice, but there is so much pain he's trying to hold back. More than just the pain of being away from her bond. It was the nightmares, the guilt, the shame, all compacted inside from being pushed down]

Cora: They - [she pauses] - We miss you too. Malia and Laura definitely, Derek probably. Peter's being petty, but that means you actually managed to get him to care which is a feat.

Stiles: Peter all but threatened to kill me the next time he saw me, Cora.

Cora: Yeah. If he didn't care he wouldn't have bothered.

Stiles: I just can't stop feeling it... seeing it all. [he crosses his arms and lays his head on the desk] I hate it.

Cora: [her face falls, watching him for a moment, before she shifts forward, unable to stop herself from sliding her arms around his waist, letting her cheek rest against his back] I know.

Stiles: I'm not safe. He's still alive. He has friends, and I know he's going to come after me because I did that to him. I hear his voice at night and his threats. I feel the electricity jolting through me... the stings from the whipping... the burning of the wolfsbane.

Cora: [she closes her eyes as she holds him tighter, staying close] He won't come after you. I promise he won't.

Stiles: You don't know what, Cora. You didn't see the look in his eyes. He's a psychopath.

Cora: I don't have to. I saw his daughter's.

Stiles: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'm scared... all the time.

Cora: I know. Me too.

Stiles: I thought going home would help. But it just made me feel lonelier. I couldn't find anything to make it go away.

Cora: That's a pack thing. You just wanted to be home.

Stiles: I still don't understand half of this stuff. There's no werewolf handbook on google I can just look shit up. I don't understand why I feel half the things I feel. Why I can't sleep at nights anymore by myself, or why I can't stop crying in the mornings

Cora: .... That's me.

Stiles: I tried to move on. I tried to find other ways... I just didn't like myself in the morning half the time. I still don't.

Cora: [she doesn't really know what to tell him and nuzzles her cheek against his back a bit]

Stiles: [and he's just going to stay like that a bit, his brain recognizing the affection and taking the moment to absorb it, helping him calm down a bit] I was happy with who I was before then. I just want to find that me again.

Cora: I want you to find him too.

Stiles: I just don't think I can do that alone.

Cora: Maybe you should talk to someone. [a beat] There's a doctor in the city who knows about werewolves. He's really nice.

Stiles: Shrinks and I never get along.

Cora: He's used to that. He had Derek as a patient.

Stiles: Poor bastard.

Cora: [smirks as she pulls back to look at him] Just ... meet with him. He can be ... objective. Maybe help you in ways we can't. And as I said, he's really nice.

Stiles: [nods] I guess I can see if he takes my dad's insurance at least.

Cora: [nods as well] Even if he doesn't, Laura could cover it.

Stiles: [nods]

Cora: We all want you to be okay.

Stiles: I want to be okay, I swear I do.

Cora: I know you do.

Stiles: [he takes a few deep breaths and feels his pulse evening back out again, relaxing finally into her arms]

Cora: [relaxes some herself taking a deep breath] So are we okay?

Stiles: I'm far from okay. [and he easily admits it, because he knows he isn't. But he turns to look at her, giving her a small smile] But I think we are. Are we?

Cora: [small smile back as she nods] Yeah. We are.

Stiles: [ he takes her hand, going to squeeze it a bit] Thank you

Cora: [squeezes it back] Anytime.

Stiles: We should um... probably finish this lab so we can leave whenever we're released.

Cora: [nods] Yes. We should. [she finally pulls back and turns back to the rest of the table] Back to work.

Stiles: [he nods, going to do that... but his hand is going to inch over and just put his pinkie fingers over hers. It was a start between them, something to start working on]

Cora: [she glances over at the touch watching it for a moment, but she doesn't move her hand, letting it rest where it is for now]

Stiles: [And he's not going to try for any more, focusing on the lab. Eventually he'll have to pull it away anyway for the work and won't be able to let it go back, but he just needed that small connection for a moment to help refocus him]

Cora: [and soon they finish up and she glances back to him with a smile] And that's that.

Stiles: Yeah, and days without a Bunsen burner incident are up to four.

Cora: Go us.

Stiles: So should we call someone to come and get us out?

Cora: [she shakes her head and grabs her phone] I have a feeling I know who's responsible.

Stiles: Oh?

Cora: Yep. [and she's texting Alexis to let them out because she knows her best friend]

Stiles: [he looks over] And this is why I shouldn't tell Hal my schedule...

Cora: I'm pretty sure they'll be conspiring against us for the rest of our lives.

Stiles: Yeah, well we just need to plan some revenge.

Cora: I like the way you think.

Stiles: I live with them. I can be the insider to funnel out information.

Cora: It's only natural this should backfire on them somehow.

Stiles: When they are least expecting it.

Cora: [she nods] We will make them suffer.

Stiles: They will regret this day. [smirks]

Cora: That they will.

Hal: [and he will be there, unlocking the door] Someone call a locksmith?

Cora: I'm going to kill your girlfriend. Just so you know.

Stiles: And I'm going to kick your ass.

Hal: Yeah, sure fine kick my ass, but like it or not, you both needed it.

Cora: Still going to kill your girlfriend.

Stiles: [just growls at Hal]

Hal: Alright, I'll catch you both later then. [retreating!]

Cora: [sighs as she starts to gather your stuff] I should go. I have another class I have to get ready for. But I'll see you later?

Stiles: Yeah, me too. But I'll see you later. [slings his bag on his shoulder]

Cora: Do you want me to get you Dr. Sweets’ number from Derek?

Stiles: [he thinks a moment, then nods] Yeah, I mean it can't hurt, right?

Cora: [smiles a bit at that and nods] Yeah. I'll text you later.

Stiles: Thanks. [and he's going to smile back and head off towards his next class. He's actually feeling a bit better so Hal will be spared his ass kicking]

Cora: [and off she will go to do the same and track down her brother later]