canon au } { post-6a, of steps forward and separations

[impetere]

Cora: [as the weeks pass after Valentine's Day, Cora's mood goes up and down. She does listen to Stiles and goes to Berkeley to talk to Sweets, and as the days go by she seems to even out a little bit. It's still a struggle, however, because she can't go on antidepressants to deal with this - she simply has to try and pull herself out of it. The idea of going back to Beacon Hills, however, threatens to drag her back down into that pit again, so when Sweets suggests that it might be worth it for her to follow through with the plans that she originally made for after the baby was born, she takes some time to consider it, weighing the pros and cons. At the end of the day, however, she knows she needs something different and maybe going back to the castle and getting some distance from the expectations of Beacon Hills is the best thing she can do for herself right now. That only means that there's one person she needs to talk to first. She's sitting on the hotel bed when Stiles comes in, legs crossed under her and looking more nervous than she probably should. her stuff is packed, but stowed in the closet, not wanting him to freak out before she gets what she needs to say out.] Can we talk?

Stiles: [and he had taken his daily walk to play Pokemon GO because as the days went by he was becoming more and more restless, not knowing the cause but he had an idea it was a ripple effect from everything that had been going on, and from Cora's mood swings. The walk gave him something to do every day, and gave him a bit of space to refresh his spoon levels. But those dreaded "can we talk' words as he came back in made him stiffen a bit, because somewhere inside he could tell Cora had made a decision about something and he wasn't going to like this. He licked his lips and nodded, putting his phone on the dresser] Sure. What's up? [as he goes to sit next to her on the bed]

Cora: [she takes a deep breath, before taking his hand in hers] Before you came back, I had talked about going back to Scotland after the baby was born. I just wanted to get away and I didn't really feel like there was anything for me there. And then you came back and I've been trying to make it work, because you're here and I want to be with you, but ... I still need to be somewhere else for a while. I'm not being a good girlfriend, or friend or sister or niece for that matter. So I'm going to go back to the castle and see if giving myself some distance from Beacon Hills helps. [and then she'll take a beat and see how he takes that before she talks herself into a hole]

Stiles: [nods slowly] Okay. I mean, I can understand that. So when do we leave? [because he's obviously going, right?]

Cora: Buffy had the slayer jet come in, so it can leave soon, but ... [okay, as much as she wants him to go, she wants to be sure that it's what he actually [wants] first.] I've made a lot of decisions for us lately. Not all of them have been good. So I don't want you to feel like you have to come with me if you don't want to go. If you don't, that's okay. You and your dad and Scott have a lot that you still need to work through and Joy ... I don't want you to feel like you have to stay away from her because of me. And I know that's what you're doing right now. I also don't know how long I'm going to need to stay away. It could be ... months, maybe even years. So I want you to think about if this is what you want - really what you want - and if it is, then okay. We can leave as soon as you're ready to go. But if it's not, that's okay too.

Stiles: Cora, you're always going to be what I want. I know you guys all went through a loop forgetting me for months and it's made things a bit difficult to put pieces back together, but my mind has never changed. [he licks his lips a moment] But um... [sighs] I need to confess something. I haven't been staying away from Joy. I've going to see here when your brother isn't there. I didn't want him to know so he would have to hide it from you too even though I'm sure he knows anyway.

Cora: Mine hasn't either. You're still what I want - you're always going to be what I want. [there's a beat] But the fact that you kept that from me? That you probably won't hold her because you don't want me to catch her scent? I don't want you to have to think like that - she's your daughter too.

Stiles: [nods] Yeah, I know but you've been upset and I didn't want to upset you more. You come first to me... you know that right?

Cora: I never doubted that. Ever. And for the record, even if you don't go, this isn't me trying to break up with you. But since I'm doing something really drastic to put me first, I'm not going to hold it against you if you put you first this time.

Stiles: ... I don't know if you're intending to... but you're making it sound like you don't want me to go with you, but you're afraid to tell me that.

Cora: [she looks down at her hands because that's not entirely it? but it's not entirely wrong either] I just feel like you keep doing things for me and because of me and aren't dealing with you. And you've been through a lot in the last few months, and I don't want to be the thing you hide behind. I'm not the only one who has to deal, even if you don't want to admit it.

Stiles: Cora, I'm fine. I lost a few months because of weird time differences between dimensions.

Cora: Are you, though? [you were erased from existence and your dad conjured your mom to cope with the loss, and then had to shoot her in the face STILES, NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD BE OKAY.]

Stiles: Yeah. [because he's lying to himself so smoothly that he believes it. He's been doing it since the nogitsune. It's a survival instinct at this point - believe everything is fine and it is.]

Cora: [takes a deep breath because she doesn't believe that and she doesn't want to be responsible for this later. she knows she doesn't have the emotional wherewithal to deal with both her own issues and his if this comes to a head while they're gone, and maybe that's selfish, but she's doing this to get better. that's not going to help her get better] Look, I'll schedule the flight for tomorrow night. I have to go back to the apartment to get some of my stuff anyway and I need to handle some stuff at school. Just ... really think this through, okay? For me? Please? [she doesn't want this to end in a fight or a break up, because she does love him and she selfishly does want him there, but not if he's just doing this because he thinks he can more easily pretend]

Stiles: Alright. [which he won't at first. He'll just let it stew about in his head while she is gone, not sure what he's supposed to do here.]

Cora: [and she'll take care of things and call her brother and her uncle and let them know what's going on since Buffy and Dawn already know. she should probably call the sheriff too, but she doesn't really know what to say until she knows what Stiles is going to do]

Stiles: [and when she comes back she'll find Stiles out on the balcony, leaning over it and just staring off in the distance. His head is a very bad place to be in sometimes when he's alone, and he's been going down a slow spiral as he thinks on this more and more]

Cora: [and she'll glance at the clock as she pulls out her suitcases] Flight leaves soon. [what's it going to be?]

Stiles: I know. [he has nothing packed. His hand is nervously bouncing on the railing, and he lowers his head a bit before turning to face her, his neutral mask on his face] You don't want to be late.

Cora: [she tries to see past that, whether or not he was angry at her for doing this or if this really was okay, but in the end, she has to take his decision at face value] I'll call you when I land.

Stiles: [he walks closer, into the room] You know how you said I put you first. You're right... I do. That's why I'm not going. I'm putting you first, and you're need to fix whatever's going on in your head.

Cora: [she watches him for a moment, before stepping closer to meet him, leaning in to kiss him gently, one last time before she goes. she holds it for a moment, before pulling back and giving him a small smile] It doesn't have to just be for me. It could be for you too.

Stiles: [he kissed her back, and then slipped his fidgeting hands into his pockets] I know it can be. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go a little stir crazy after you're gone. I don't know where my head will go when it actually sets in that you're gone and I don't know when I'll see you again... if ever.

Cora: We can talk on the phone still? Or Skype, if you want? [a beat] But if it's too much or too long and you decide that you need something else, that's okay too. But I want to come back to this and us. I'll try not to be too long.

Stiles: Yeah, but face it. You're leaving me alone in Beacon Hills, and Beacon Hills and I don't seem to get along that well lately. I have nothing here at Berkeley. Scott's going out of town to work on his degree now that his grades are better. Lydia's going to the East Coast. Allison and Isaac are heading back to France. [he shrugs] Dad and Jody are getting married.

Cora: Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do. You can do whatever you have to. You don't even have to pick up the phone when I call, but I'll call. Or I'll be there if you want to talk.

Stiles: What happens though if I'm not the person you remember when you come back? What will happen to us then?

Cora: Then we'll figure it out. Hopefully I'm not going to be quite the same too.

Stiles: And what if you decide to never come back? What if I'm the reason everything is wrong?

Cora: [she shakes her head before pushing up on her toes so that she can look him in the eye] Not going to happen. You're my mate, and that's not going to change.

Stiles: [he licks his lips, lowering his gaze] But it's a valid theory. Everything that's happened to you... all the problems that've taken away your sense of self are a result of something that happened to me, or that had a hand in doing. What if when you reach that point of your path in fixing yourself you realize that too? I love you too much to be the cause of your pain.

Cora: And I love you too much to not forgive you for it. [she sighs softly] Stiles, whatever did this, I don't blame you. I never blamed you, and I'm not going to further down the road.

Stiles: You say that now, but you don't know that. You didn't know you'd forget everything about me five months ago. You didn't know I was capable of murder two years ago. [he looks up at her, his eyes serious] Cora... if I'm the problem... you need to be honest with that fact. And you need to do what you need to do to be you, and not compromise because it's me. You have your siblings, and maybe one day you'll want to have a relationship with Joy. Don't sacrifice that for me if I'm the problem.

Cora: [cups his face in her hands] Stiles, everything good about me is you. Falling in love with you is the best thing that ever happened to me. Forgetting you was the worst. So when I'm better - and I will get better - I want to come back and do all those things we've talked about and that hasn't gone away. That's really the only thing moving me forward and helping me believe that I need to do this, so don't assume that you're the problem, okay? You're the only thing that's keeping me going, and not sending me back to where I was when I first got to Beacon Hills. That girl wouldn't have wanted to get better. You make me want to be better.

Stiles: [he nods] Okay.

Cora: Okay. [and she'll lean in to kiss him again, saying goodbye, before pulling back with a small smile] I'll call you when I land.

Stiles: Stay safe.

Cora: You too. [and with that she will grab her suitcases to head off to the airport]

Stiles: [and he will just sit back on the bed, staring at his hands because he doesn't know what to even do now]

Cora: [and 8 hours later she will call to let him know she arrived safe in Scotland, but whether or not they talk depends on whether or not he picks up]

Stiles: [he'll pick up. He hasn't moved much since she left, having shifted back onto the bed. He had missed check-out time when she left so he decided to stay the night and put his check-out for tomorrow. And the Hales were paying, so he had ordered his meals via room service and just stared at the television watching whatever SyFy was airing since all their stuff had a brain numbing effect. He hears his phone and looks at it, then answers and tries to muster up something resembling himself] Hey.

Cora: Hey. I landed safe and sound.

Stiles: Good. Does Scotland look like how you remember?

Cora: Yep. Mostly damp, very green. Going to have to get used to the Scottish accent again.

Stiles: [snorts] Torturous.

Cora: Such a struggle. [there's a beat] How're you doing?

Stiles: Eh. I'm alright. Just racking up a huge hotel bill.

Cora: I don't think my brother will mind paying it.

Stiles: But I shouldn't order the porn then, right? [joking, but there's not a lot behind it]

Cora: [snorts herself, before shifting to rub the back of her neck] I don't think he'll read the bill too closely.

Stiles: [he'll just look at the menu for fun] .... I don't think that movie is about the kind of unicorn I know.

Cora: [she laughs] No, probably not.

Stiles: [sighs] I miss you.

Cora: I miss you too.

Stiles: [he's silent a moment] You should probably get to the castle. It's getting to be late here.

Cora: Okay. I'll talk to you later?

Stiles: Yeah.

Cora: Night, Stiles.

Stiles: Night, Cora. Or morning.

Cora: [she laughs softly, and then she says goodbye and hangs up, getting ready to head back into the throng of Slayers]

Stiles: [and he's going to hang up, and look at the phone a moment] I love you. [and he'll put it on the nightstand and roll over to try and get some sleep]