puppy love } { of anniversaries and being in your own way

[arbalete]

Derek: [and after a bit] Allison, is something wrong?

Allison: [glances up and shakes her head] No, it's fine. Just been a long couple days.

Derek: [and seeing he's the cause of her last few days] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be this much of a problem.

Allison: No, it's not you at all. Just ... long flights and non stop work - I just need to go home and take a break.

Derek: Well, could I at least take you out to lunch after this? I'm sure you haven't eaten just like Baal and I?

Allison: [maybe if it was just Derek, she might have, but she doesn't think she has it in her to try and be child level] No, it's okay. Maybe another time.

Derek: [and since he can't read minds, he will just nod and go back to his paperwork]

Allison: [and they'll finish everything up before she stands with a smile] And you're all set.

Derek: Thanks. [and he stands up as well] Well, I guess I should go. But the offer for lunch is still open. Or dinner, of you're working late.

Allison: I will keep that in mind. But I think I'm just going to go home and get some sleep.

Derek: But it's only eleven?

Allison: I wasn't originally planning on coming in today, but I wanted to make sure you got everything you needed. Technically it's my day off.

Derek: Something special?

Allison: [a beat before she shrugs] Something like that.

Derek: Something you don't want to talk to me about [nods] Okay, I um... I should go find Baal anyway

Allison: [she closes her eyes for a moment, before she closes her file] My mom died today.

Derek: [blinks] Oh crap, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Allison: I know, which is why I was ... [she waves a hand] I'm just not going to be very good company today. I'll take the rain check though.

Derek: Are you sure you want to be alone though? I mean, I can ask Malia if she can take Baal to hang out with Ben for the afternoon if you want someone to just be with.

Allison: Are you sure you want to do that, Day One in a new country?

Derek: [its' hard] I'd rather not, but I don't like the idea of you being alone either. I know how hard those days are.

Allison: It's okay. I'll be okay. I'm going to go home, sleep, call my dad. Stiles and I usually hang out at some point. I'll be fine.

Derek: [and he's hesitant, but he knows she's a big girl so he'll nod] Alright. But if you want to talk, just call, ok?

Allison: I will. [and she will go with him to collect Baal and walk them out]

Baal: [holding Derek's hand tightly because the buildings are tall and there are a lot of people and a lot of cars] Can we still go get me jeans, papa?

Derek: Yeah, a whole new wardrobe. Right after lunch.

Allison: [she nods to him with a small smile] I'm sure you'll find plenty of cool clothes.

Baal: i have never had jeans before

Allison: Then you are in for a treat.

Baal: [grins]

Derek: I'm sure he will want me to send you photos

Allison: Well, you know how to contact me. [and she'll take a step back] I'll see you both later.

Baal: Goodbye, Miss Allison.

Derek: And again, thank you.

Allison: My pleasure. [and with that she will go home, call her dad, and after that settle into a nice bottle of bourbon]

Derek: [well she will be getting a young 8 year old modeling clothes because every photo must go to Miss Allison and Miss Malina]

Allison: [and it will make her smile at least, so there's that. there would be brief texts back to show she's still alive]

Derek: [and then they are getting furniture and Baal is bouncing on a bed because he has never had one before so there is video of him going bounce bounce face plant]

Allison: [and that makes her laugh, which is frankly a miracle for a day like this]

Derek: [and once they are home it's a picture of Baal passed out on Derek's bed and in the reflection of the mirror she will recognize their prom picture among his family photos in frames. How he got it since he left the next morning is his secret]

Allison: [and that doesn't really help as much, so there's no response, which is odd, considering she had been quick to respond with everything else]

Derek: [and when he doesn't get one after awhile he will step into the other room and call her]

Allison: [she just hears the phone ringing, and it could be anyone, so she picks it up without looking] Hello?

Derek: Hey. You went silent so i just wanted to make sure you're okay.

Allison: Oh. Yeah, I'm okay. [her words are slurred and slow, obviously she's been drinking] Just zoned out for a bit.

Derek: Okay. Well you should probably get some sleep then. [nope, not going to judge her because he's been there]

Allison: Nope. No sleep for Allison tonight. Not until I pass out and I'm not there yet.

Derek: Has Stiles come over yet?

Allison: No, he texted me. Said he's running late.

Derek: Well Baal will sleep for the rest of the night. So I can chat until he gets there?

Allison: Okay. If you want.

Derek: I just know how brains can suck on these kinds of days, so distractions are good.

Allison: Oh, it's not my brain. It's just that today sucks.

Derek: Either way, I can distract you.

Allison: It's kind of hard to distract someone from the fact that they killed their own mother. [whoops, drunk Allison is also a chatty Allison]

Derek: [blink] Did you say...?

Allison: [yep, she needs another drink] We had been fighting for months at this point, trying to drive the alpha pack back. There was one particularly bad squabble one night, and then ... Deucalion bit her.

Derek: [and he sits and listens] I'm sorry

Allison: It wasn't just that she didn't want to be a werewolf. It was that she knew what Deucalion was going to do to her when he found out he had created another beta. And she didn't want to be a pawn in his plans. I begged her to let me try and find another way, but ... she refused. And she couldn't do it on her own, so I helped her.

Derek: [sighs] I know it may not feel that way, but you doing it was merciful. Deucalion wouldn't have used her - he would have just killed her himself to make himself more powerful. And unless you knew you could kill him before her first change... at least she died with someone who loved her.

Allison: That's what Satomi said. [she sighs] But it still doesn't really feel like a blessing.

Derek: I know. It never will. But blessings are hard to see when they are covered in pain. It took me a long time to be able to see that.

Allison: [she's quiet for a moment, and then because she has had too much to drink to hold herself back] Do you ever think about what it would have been like if we met now instead of back then?

Derek: There's a lot of variables to that. I don't even know where we would be.

Allison: Here. I'm an FBI agent and you're a grad student and we just run into each other on the street or something.

Derek: If I didn't know you, and the past was still the way it was for my family... I would avoid you. Because I wouldn't have the knowledge that you were different than the rest of your family. And I would have personal scars you wouldn't be able to get passed.

Allison: Maybe. Or maybe Kate never went back to Beacon Hills and my mom never died and your mom never died and we're just ... people.

Derek: If we were just people, and that didn't exist? [rubs at his eyes] Allison, I don't want you getting mad at me again like you did on campus for my answers.

Allison: I won't get mad.]A beat] Honestly, I probably won't even remember.

Derek: [and he will lean back on the couch] I'd still think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And I've traveled across the world now, and still no one compares to you.

Allison: [and that makes her smile] And I would think you were sweet, and funny. And you're passionate about your work, which is important.

Derek: So are you. Very passionate about fixing everything you find wrong in the hunter's code. You're going to change the world, and your kids, and their kids will have choices, and if they decide to follow in your footsteps, you'll be setting a better example for them to live by.

Allison: And maybe we get lucky, and loving each other isn't as hard.

Derek: [his breath hitches] Loving each other doesn't have to be hard now either, you know. We just need to get out of our own way.

Allison: [her eyes cloud a bit] Is it just us? Because it doesn't feel like it.

Derek: It's the shadows of the past. Cora trying to protect me and her son, but she has her own ghosts from the past to deal with. Laura knows your here, and she isn't worried. And Peter is always going to be an asshole to me- but I've moved past the point where I care. He's angry at the world - not me. So yeah, it's us, and the past, and being afraid that we could have something good again just to lose it from something else pulling at us.

Allison: You're not the only one he's an asshole too. He barely even acknowledges I exist.

Derek: [blinks] You've seen my uncle?

Allison: He helps Hayley sometimes.

Derek: So he's helping the FBI?

Allison: No. He helps Hayley. It's ... complicated.

Derek: But still, he hasn't ripped your throat out. That's progress.

Allison: Only because you loved me.

Derek: Love. No D on the end.

Allison: [there's another long pause, before softly, quietly] I wish you were here. [he probably only hears it because he's a werewolf. eventually Stiles should probably save her from herself]

Derek: If I didn't have Baal, I would go right now. But I think we both know that it's just the alcohol talking, even if I really wish you felt you could say that to me sober.

Allison: Yes, well, sober Allison sucks.

Derek: Well, maybe drunk Allison can leave sober Allison a message for the both of us.

Stiles: [and he is getting home, finally, after getting Ben back to Cora] Allison - I'm back. Want some coffee?

Allison: Stiles is here. I should go.

Derek: Sure. But if she decides to leave a message... just tell her that the door is always open. I've got a kid to raise now. And I don't need some girl to play with my sausage, and I don't need a girl to make me happy. But if sober Allison wants to be happy - I'm good for sharing some of mine with her.

Allison: Okay. Bye, Derek.

Derek; Goodnight, Allison. [and he will hang up]

Stiles: [comes in with two coffees from the 24 hour Starbucks] Sorry about the delay. Cora needed some extra time to close the bar

Allison: It's okay. I talked to Derek.

Stiles: Derek, really?

Allison: He called me! I did not drunk dial him.

Stiles: Uh huh. [hands her the coffee] I still think you need to sober up a bit otherwise you're going to be crap at work tomorrow.

Allison: [takes the coffee from him and inches over so he has room to stretch out next to her. drunk Allison is also a cuddler, and he would know this by now]

Stiles: [he would, and it's few of the times he lets himself be affectionate back.] So, tell me what you drunkenly confessed to him, and I can help you with damage control in the morning.

Allison: I told him about my mom.

Stiles: Ah. Well, that does explain the depth of the drunkeness being lower than normal.

Allison: And then we talked about what it would have been like if we met now instead of then.

Stiles: [sighs, rubbing her arm gently] And how did that daydreaming go?

Allison: He says the only one standing in the way of us is me. [which isn't exactly what he said, but it's kinda the gist of it]

Stiles: Yeah, I've been told that too. Not about being between you and Derek, I mean. Just... [he looked down at her] Do you still love him, Allison?

Allison: Maybe.

Stiles: Because if you do... the Hales haven't fled because of you being in town. And if he made it known that he still wants to be with you even through everything... if you want him, go get him. He's not going anywhere.

Allison: That wasn't why I said no before.

Stiles: Why did you then?

Allison: Because he made his sister a promise. And I was sitting in front of him for five minutes before he was ready to break it.

Stiles: And you don't want him choosing between you and his family.

Allison: That, and if it's that easy for him to break a promise to her, how easy would it be for him to break a promise to me?

Stiles: [sips from his coffee] Just like it's easy for us to lie to them about who we even are. Nah, out of all of there, Derek is a loyal person. I think that's how he gets into his problems -when he has to decide who to be loyaler to

Allison: It's not easy to lie to them. [that's why she mostly tells half-truths] And I'm not going to be the reason he breaks his word.

Stiles: Maybe you should talk to Cora again. Tell her this. Make her see that you two need to be a team when it comes to Derek, and not opponents. And she needs to stop being so overprotective sometimes. I know she does it out of fear, but still...

Allison: Yeah, I have a feeling that'll go about as well as it did with Peter.

Stiles: I can be there, if you want. She has no problem aiming her anger at me.

Allison: I don't want to. [it's petulant, almost like a child who knows she has to do something she doesn't like to get what she wants, but drunk Allison is a bit petulant at the moment]

Stiles: Well, when you do, the offer is open. Until then, you may want to stop drunk dialing your ex.

Allison: I didn't! [and she'll reach for her phone and show him - incoming, not outgoing]

Stiles: [and he will look, and then see her text history and nods] And you didn't at all enjoy the entire afternoon and evening texting back and forth during family fun times.

Allison: No. [a very obvious lie] He still started it!

Stiles: [smiles and hands her back her phone] Well, you better make up your mind, Allison. Because it's not just him now. You choose Derek, you get that kid too. And maybe you and Derek and keep at this, but what happens to the kid? He's going to need role models in his life that are steady - not just floating in and out.

Allison: I know.

Stiles: [laughs] God, are we in the same boat again, Allison?

Allison: [snorts] We need to stop that.

Stiles: Especially when we keep forgetting the damn oars.

Allison: Do you still love her?

Stiles: Cora? Yeah. I never stopped.

Allison: Then you shouldn't be in the boat. Maybe you should just swim.

Stiles: [snorts] No, I love her... but I can't do that again. I'm afraid.

Allison: That's not a good excuse.

Stiles: No, maybe not. But it's better than admitting how messed up I am and what I fear will happen to me if I lose someone else in my life.

Allison: But if you go back to her, what do you get back?

Stiles: Right now, I don't think that's even an option. I'm not the person she fell in love with. We both know it.

Allison: Did you like the person you were when you were with her?

Stiles: I was a sarcastic, arrogant teenager. Of course I loved myself.

Allison: I'm serious, Stiles.

Stiles: [sighs, looking up at the ceiling. It would be so easy to lie, but he doesn't.] After everything that happened after they left, I don't even remember half of it. All the bad memories just kinda wrote over that entire year in my head. Except for certain pieces. Feelings. So I can't really tell you. I want to think I did. I wouldn't have hurt as much as I did if I didn't.

Allison: Do you like who you are now?

Stiles: I did. Kinda.

Allison: Kinda?

Stiles: I didn't mind what I did. I mean, Parrish told me once that all soldiers are taught to kill, but only when they have to and when they had orders. I was doing the same thing, it was just more strategic. I won't regret what I did. I just... I don't know where I'm going with this

Allison: You have perspective.

Stiles: We're supposed to be talking about you.

Allison: I'm trying to make a point.

Stiles: And I'm trying to deflect back to the original topic.

Allison: Well, too bad, you didn't wait long enough for me to forget.

Stiles: [sighs] Listen, Allison you actually have a chance, alright. The door is wide open. Talk to Cora. Make her see you now, and remind her that you and Derek are adults who can make your own choices. And if she doesn't like it, then she can actually tell her brother and let them figure themselves out. You just worry about you and him.

Allison: And so do you! That was my point. You're worried about trying to figure out who you are now, that maybe being with Cora will actually help you get back the parts of you that you need.

Stiles: And what do I do about that panic inducing fear I happen to get every single time I even think about it? [because he does. He's better about controlling them, but it doesn't mean he doesn't get them still]

Allison: You man up and deal with it. Because you're never going to get over it and get better if you ignore it. Avoiding the problem doesn't make it go away.

Stiles: [purses his lips, thinking a moment] Would you be telling me this if you were sober?

Allison: Probably not. Not because it's not true, but because its probably not my place.

Stiles: You going to remember any of this in the morning?

Allison: Probably not.

Stiles: Good. [which means he can just let all of this just slide into the back of his mind and not actually... do anything. because he's scared to go there]

Allison: [squints] You're not going to listen to me, are you?

Stiles: And you're not going to remember it anyway, so probably not.

Allison: [sighs and closes her eyes]

Stiles: Not like you're going to remember or follow my advice either, you know.

Allison: [unintelligible grumble as she's starting to pass out]

Stiles: Exactly what I thought. [and he's going to just slide down and let her curl up into him more, one arm under his head and he'll just stare at the ceiling himself until he drifts off]

Allison: [Yep, and with that she's out cold, until her awful, awful hangover wakes her up the next morning]

Stiles: [he forgot to make her take the aspirin before she fell asleep. whoops]

Allison: [yep, whoops, look who's calling out of work so she can sleep some more]

Stiles: [but not him since he was off Thursday so he's going to come in exhausted and drinking the biggest cup of coffee ever]