canon au } { post-s4, of definitions and christmas presents

[kiss_evilgoodbye]

Buffy: [it's habit, really, to look for snow on Christmas. No that she particularly wants it - snow on Christmas only tends to bring back bad memories - but it's an omen of sorts. A fresh start somehow. So she just falls into step next to Peter, eyes occasionally glancing up for any sign of clouds]

Peter: [ is walking, his hands in his jacket pocket as he things. His fingers play over something else he found in the vault, and he turns to look at her] So I have a question to ask you.

Buffy: [glances back to him, eyebrows going up a bit] Shoot.

Peter: [he stops, turning to face her.] It's been four months since everything happened, and I know I've still got a long way to go before I'll feel back to being who I want myself to be... but I think we've reached a point that I need to ask you what you want from me.

Buffy: [she turns to face him as well. If she had been moving, she may have stopped a little short at the question. Things have been going well between them, in this nebulous space between together and not, but she knew that things were going to have to find their way to something more serious eventually. The more she saw of him being himself again the more she knew that they were going to have to be [something] eventually] The only thing I want from you is you. [it's the simpler answer, really, and she knows it's not a direct one to what he's asking, but it's at least a start that might force him to define the question a little more, maybe give her a hint of what he wants]

Peter: [he nods, taking that in. The problem was, he didn't know how to define it. Even the last time they played this dance, he had always had that confidence that he knew what he wanted and how to get it. That foundation was broken still.] What I mean, is more along the lines of if what we have is something that will just remain as a friendship [with obvious benefits] or if we want to explore something more.

Buffy: [she nods slowly] I've never really been good at undefined. Then again, defining things can get complicated too. [She and Angel were her and Angel. She loved Riley and was committed to him, but he never really believed it. She and Spike were a disaster where he was far more invested than she was, and her and Peter, before ... they can't have what they had before. That's gone and what they need now is to build something new] You have me. I'm yours, no matter what. I don't think more was ever not an option with us.

Peter: I just want to make sure. After everything I've done... I don't want you to think that you can't have something better because you're upset at yourself for leaving me all those years ago. [he steps closer, taking a deep breath as one hand cups her cheek] I don't know if I've said it yet to you... but I forgive you for that. And I want you to forgive yourself about it too. If we're going to move on to something more, I think we both need that from each other.

Buffy: [she leans into his hand a bit, one hand coming up to brush against his wrist and keep it there.] This - us - was never about guilt. [her life is too short to waste it on something like that. There's a part of her that needs that part of him, the killer. She's always been one for the monsters, to search for the darkness in them because in some ways she feels like maybe they can understand the darkness in her. She may be the Slayer, be the hero, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have blood on her hands too. She looks up at him and shakes her head] Don't ever think that it was.

Peter: I was hoping, but it's nice to have confirmation. [there's a small smile, his thumb running along her cheek. He's not fooling himself - that monster is always lurking in him. No amount of therapy will destroy it. He crossed the line from predator to killer and that's one he can't return from. Derek's blue eyes came from an act of love - even if his were from Laura's death, there were so many after that... It was his family - Buffy included - that helped him keep that monster at bay. Reminded him that there was more than power. That they really had learned a better way]

Buffy: [she smiles at that before pushing up on her toes to kiss him, her free hand moving to brace herself against his waist. Here really is the only place she wants to be. And she'll take that in whatever form it comes.] I love you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.

Peter: [ he smiles against her lips at that as he kisses her again] I love you too. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Buffy: Any time. [she stays close, keeping herself in kissing distance as long as he's there to steady her] I'm trying to get better at shades of gray.

Peter: Well, from what I've heard, there are fifty of them, so it takes time to master them all. [smirking]

Buffy: [she laughs] I'll just keep practicing, then.

Peter: [chuckles, keeping her close] Well, while you do, I have a present for you.

Buffy: Ooh, presents. I do like presents.

Peter: [ He's going to take his hand off her cheek to take her hand, opening the palm up. His other hand leaves his pocket and she will feel something light and metallic get placed in her palm] Those ornaments weren't the only thing I found in the vault. This belonged to my great grandmother. My grandmother gave it to me when I was little and told me to save it for someone special. [he had been debating on giving it to her or Malia, but in the end, Malia would inherit a lot of things from him one day when she was ready. And Buffy was really someone special] I know you're not big on fancy things, so I thought it was perfect for you. [when his hand pulled away, she would see a necklace on a silver chain, very old and obviously significant to the Hales from the design]

Buffy: [she glances down at it with a smile, one finger tracing against the metal for a moment before looking up at him and leaning in to kiss him again] I love it. Thank you. [she then tips her hand so that the pendant is dangling from the chain, holding it out to him as she turns her back to him] Help me?

Peter: Of course. [he will take it and unclasp it, waiting for her to lift her hair so he can slide it around her neck. The chain is just long enough that the pendant rests just above her breast line] Perfect.

Buffy: [she nods a bit as she turns around to face him] Your present is back at the apartment, so you'll have to wait a little bit longer.

Peter: I'm good with waiting. I can be very patient. [his hands cup her cheeks and he kisses her]

Buffy: [sighs softly into the kiss as she kisses him back, both hands moving to his sides as she keeps him close]

Peter: [and while he kisses her, there's a scent in the air and he pulls back to look up at the sky and smiles]

Buffy: [looks up as well when he pulls back, just in time for a few drops of cold and wet to land on her nose, and she laughs]

Peter: [laughs and kisses her nose to dry it] Merry Christmas, Buffy.

Buffy: [sighs softly as she glances back to him] Merry Christmas, Peter.

Peter: Let's go home. [he threads his fingers with hers]

Buffy: [she nods and off they go, to finish up their evening together. When they get back to the loft, she'll let go of his hand and head towards the spare room] Give me two seconds.

Peter: Okay. [and he's going to go over to put some music on and light a few candles. He needed to buy a few of those remote control ones soon since he hated the lightbulb light]

Buffy: [and a few minutes later she returns with a cardboard box with a bow on top. It's larger than someone her size should be able to feasibly carry on her own but, Slayer. She's carried bigger, heavier things. She makes her way in and places it down gently on the floor in front of the couch.] Merry Christmas.

Peter: [and his eyebrow is going to go up because what the...?] How did you ever get that into the apartment?

Buffy: [she laughs] A little help from Xander and some creative maneuvering. [she moves to sit on the couch, tucking her legs under her before nodding to it] Open it.

Peter: Xander was involved, now I'm afraid. [but he's going to go over to it and carefully take off the bow. It's been awhile since he's been given a gift]

Buffy: [it's not going to explode. Inside are rather impressive amount of books, all of varying ages and topics, but most of them in his areas of interest] The castle in Scotland belonged to one of the Watchers who were killed in the explosion in England and Giles, being last watcher standing, kind of inherited it all. One of the rooms was just this ... room of books. It wasn't a library, there was no real organization to it, it was just books and we needed the space for the girls so we cleared it out, but as we were going through the books I just kept coming across ones I thought you'd like and ... then I wound up with a lot of them. For a long time I just put them in a box and stuck them in a closet to forget about them but since things were different now, I thought it'd probably be good to give them to you, rather than just letting them sit and gather dust.

Peter: [His fingers are going to dance along the spines, taking in the titles and smiling a bit] You've been collecting these since before the fire then... [he looked up at her, and there's a small smile on his lips] These are wonderful. Thank you.

Buffy: [smiles a bit] Yeah. Just ... here and there. I don't know much about books but sometimes I pay attention.

Peter: [ and he's going to sit cross-legged on the floor and pull one out, dusting it off carefully and opening it] I never said you didn't. In fact, sometimes I think you pay more attention than you give yourself credit for.

Buffy: [she gives a bit of a shrug, shifting a bit so that she's stretched out on the couch, reading over his shoulder] Meathead can be a good cover. I like catching people off guard when I actually know what I'm talking about.

Peter: I'm sure you enjoy the faces people make when you do that. [smiles up at her]

Buffy: I really do. People underestimating me is my greatest weapon.

Peter: I wouldn’t say that's your greatest weapon. That Scythe you have is pretty damn scary.

Buffy: That is true too. It is my favorite. So that and underestimating me.

Peter: [ grins and puts the book down to kneel up to kiss her] I happen to find your intelligence very attractive.

Buffy: [smiles a bit into the kiss as he does] Thank you.

Peter: You're welcome. Now, do you have any other plans for the evening, otherwise you may lose my attention to this amazing library of a present.

Buffy: [she laughs] My plans include this couch and Muppet Christmas Carol, so if you have no interest in those, I think I can manage on my own.

Peter: [thinks, then grabs two of the books and goes to sit on the couch] I think we can work in some couch time together in this plan then.

Buffy: [smiles a bit as she grabs the remote, curling into his side as she turns on the TV] Perfect. [don't judge her if she hums along with the songs]

Peter: [no judging. He's going to be a book nerd and just sit there absorbed into the books on Russian mythological creatures]

Buffy: [and with that, they had a quiet, adorable evening]

Peter: [ yup, pretty much.]