new york wolves } { of missed meanings and breaking points

[killmypatience]

Derek: [is completely oblivious for a good time before he turns off the torch and he smells the chinese food and lifts the mask up] Oh, hey. Sorry, couldn't hear you.

Beckett: It's fine. I come bearing food.

Derek: Awesome, because like I told you, I'd probably forget to eat. [he stood up and put the welding materials aside before grabbing a rag] There's a fridge over there with some beers in it if you want one.

Beckett: [nods, before holding up the bag] Where do you want this?

Derek: There's a table over there too. [He nodded his head, heading to the small kitchenette in the studio. He motioned for the table and went to the sink to quickly go wash his face and hands. And arms. She would notice the edges of his tattoo peeking out from the edges of the tank - he had gotten it after she had gone off to be detective]

Beckett: [nods and goes to make her way over, quietly observing and grabbing herself a beer]

Derek: [and now he's still semi-dirty and wet. really, he has no idea what he's doing to you, Becks. Sorry. But he will go to sit across in a stool, opening two beers and putting one in front of her] So how was your day so far?

Beckett: Pretty good. Mostly catching up on my reading. [Yeah, she is not unappreciative at all]

Derek: ... You got Castle's newest book, didn't you?

Beckett: They are about me. I should at least know what happens in them.

Derek: So do you get to approve the steamy love scenes before he writes them too?

Beckett: Heh. No. I figure the less I know the better.

Derek: Probably a good idea. [he may read them too. Yup. And those love scenes? yeaaaaaaah]

Beckett: [yep. she's aware] Trust me - if I had any say over what Castle did in those books, they would be a lot more boring.

Derek: You find them boring?

Beckett: [she shakes her head] No, I've always loved Castle's books.

Derek: I never really got into them.

Beckett: He ... I don't know what it is, but he's just ... draws you in.

Derek: I always found it very formulaic myself, but I tend to be a bit of a literature snob.

Beckett: Well, I'm not reading it for good literature. I'm reading it for the story.

Derek: Good literature has good stories.

Beckett: But by your standards a little less pulp?

Derek: Pretty much.

Beckett: [she shrugs] Sometimes the pulp can be good. But I've been reading his books since I was in high school.

Derek: Well, we became friends with the family back when Cora started high school.

Beckett: I guess that took the shine off?

Derek: A bit. Peter likes them, though. More than he will ever tell Castle.

Beckett: It's probably best that no one ever tells Castle. His ego is big enough.

Derek: That was Peter's theory as well. [digs into his food] You find the place okay?

Beckett: [nods] It's a nice place.

Derek: It belonged to my second cousin, Michael. He used to live here for a few years.

Beckett: Did he move?

Derek: He had moved back to Beacon Hills at the wrong time. [and he's going to look into the cardboard box]

Beckett: [she doesn't need to dig to figure that out] I'm sorry.

Derek: [nods] Peter and him were close. He was an artist that used metal in his sculptures. When we fled here, we actually lived in the apartment upstairs for a while.

Beckett: It's a nice place. It's a shame it's just used for motorcycle storage.

Derek: [smirks a bit] You like art?

Beckett: I like a lot of things.

Derek: [he puts down his box and stands up] Come with me then.

Beckett: [gets up with him, following his lead]

Derek: [he looked at the different covered pieces before smirking and going to one and pulling back the cover to reveal this] This one is my favorite.

Beckett: [her eyes widen a bit and she makes her way forward, smiling slightly] I can see why you like it.

Derek: He did a series of wolves a few years before he passed. It was an exhibit for the World Wildlife Foundation. A few of them sold, and he kept a few that he had made and named after family members. Peter said he liked having them in the studio so he didn't feel like he was alone in New York.

Beckett: Which one is this one?

Derek: [smirks] Me. I was twelve when he made it.

Beckett: [grins a bit] You must have loved it.

Derek: Yeah, he sent me pictures of it after he had finished it. It was like Christmas when I got them.

Beckett: I'm glad you still have it.

Derek: Me too. We lost so much on that day... having little things like this make it easier to remember the good times.

Beckett: You should display it.

Derek: Peter is actually talking to a friend of his to see about some kind of exhibit for them. So it may one day get out of here again.

Beckett: That's good. It should be.

Derek: Yeah. [he rested his hand affectionately on the top of the wolf's head, then went to cover him back up.] There's about twenty sculptures here, and then another two dozen wall pieces.

Beckett: That's a good size exhibit.

Derek: Yeah. But I don't know the first thing really about doing something like that. Peter's the sophisticated one. When he wants to be.

Beckett: You like literature, but you don't like art?

Derek: I don't understand some of it.

Beckett: It's ... more about what it makes you feel.

Derek: Yeah, I know that. But I think more than I feel.

Beckett: That's part of what I like about art. In order to appreciate it, I have to shut off my brain for a bit. Feel rather than think. I don't have to analyze angles or motives, I just have to ... be.

Derek: That's what I do when I'm working on that. [he motions at the motorcycle]

Beckett: [glances over with a nod] It's a pretty nice bike.

Derek: Yeah. Sweets felt that I should develop a hobby to let me get that disconnect to stop thinking. And I do have a motorcycle license from the department, so I might as well make use of it. I have no idea what I'm doing though.

Beckett: [laughs softly] But I'm sure you're learning.

Derek: You'd be amazed what you can learn on YouTube.

Beckett: Are you sure you can trust YouTube?

Derek: No, but learning from mistakes is the right way to learn, isn't it?

Beckett: True - but when it comes to a motorcycle, they could be expensive ones.

Derek: I'm not worried about that. [he never really told her that he was loaded, did he?]

Beckett: [her eyebrows raise a bit] You're not?

Derek: [rubs the back of his neck a moment, embarrassed] Money isn't something I worry about.

Beckett: ... [considers for a moment, before nodding] Okay then.

Derek: [goes to sit back on his stool, holding his hands open a bit] I'm from a very old.... and very affluent family.

Beckett: You don't have to explain.

Derek: No, but it's not something I have to hide it from you either.

Beckett: People don't have to tell everyone the whole truth all the time - even their partners.

Derek: [he looks at her a moment, a flicker of something that's quickly gone from his eyes as he sighs and stands up] Yeah, you're right.

Beckett: [she catches that, and for a moment she's quiet, trying to figure out what it means and why he's suddenly disconnecting] I'm sorry. I wasn't ...

Derek: No, I get it. It's fine. [and he's going to finish off his beer and toss it before grabbing another one from the fridge.] Need a refill?

Beckett: [glances down at her beer and shakes her head] No, I'm fine.

Derek: [he takes his time opening the beer bottle, not really sure what to do. He hated when things went awkward. He didn't know how to handle awkward beyond trying to walk away from it, but he had nowhere to go here.]

Beckett: [she's not really all that good at it either, so she's going to just ... leave instead. She swallows hard before getting to her feet] I should probably go, anyway. I'm distracting you.

Derek: You sure? [because while it would make it easier, he didn't want to make her think he didn't want her around either]

Beckett: [no, she gets it, and she doesn't want to make things worse by trying to force it. she gives him a small smile and she nods] Yeah. I've got a couple more errands I've got to run anyway. But I'll see you at work tomorrow.

Derek: Alright. I'll, um... I'll see you tomorrow.

Beckett: [nods] See you tomorrow. [and with that she'll go - not flee, just go]

Derek: [and he's going to clean up... and not be able to focus on the bike so he's just going to pack up and go to the Y for a shower, and then spend some time beating the crap out of a punching bag]

Nik: [and he doesn't hang out at the Y much, but he's been known to swing through every so often. He stops when he spots Derek, watching him for a moment before deciding to speak up] Bad day?

Derek: [stops, panting and looking over at the other man. He nods, but not really one for conversation and just lays back into the bag again]

Nik: Oooookay. [and he'll go and steady the bag for him, so that he's not damaging himself in the process, even if the healing factor will fix it]

Derek: [nope, angry punch punch punch, trying to keep that edge of control so he doesn't break anything but he's very frustrated and the scent rolls off him in waves]

Nik: [will let him keep doing that for a while, waiting for him to take a break again] Would you rather hit something that hits back?

Derek: [looks up at the older wolf, working to catch his breath.] Right now I'm borderline keeping control. Probably not the best idea here.

Nik: So let's go somewhere else.

Derek: [thinks it over, then nods] Alright.

Nik: [tips his head to the side and nods for him to follow] Come on.

Derek: [goes to follow. He can grab his bag on the way]

Nik: [And out they go heading through New York until they get to the roof of the Kirsanov building. It's easy enough to get a little privacy when you own it] This work for you?

Derek: [goes to look off the edge of it] As long as you don't toss me off it.

Nik: [smirk as he drops the stuff to the side] Don't worry. I know werewolves can't fly.

Derek: And then you'll have to deal with my sister on top of the mess.

Nik: Nope, I'm steering clear of that. How is she with her new guy anyway?

Derek: She's happy. Beyond that, I don't ask details since I have to work with the guy.

Nik: Fair enough.

Derek: How about you. You find anyone after you guys stopped... whatever it was you two were?

Nik: [shrugs] People here and there, but no one too important. [and they weren't much, but he wasn't going to tell Derek that]

Derek: [he stretched, deciding to take off his shoes. He liked to spare barefoot because it gave him a better grip and balance] Any reason why?

Nik: [shakes his head] Just not the right person.

Derek: Sometimes I don't know if that actually exists.

Nik: Eh, it does. Some of us just have to look a little harder than most. And have a bit of patience.

Derek: I still think it's crap. Not everyone finds someone. Mathematically, the world doesn't add up to make it possible.

Nik: It's not crap. That much I know. Wolves aren't meant to be alone. Maybe it's not some kind of fate or destiny thing, but there is someone there. They just may be waiting for you to make the right move.

Derek: You've met my family. I'm never alone. [and he's going to square up to spare]

Nik: [will square up as well, waiting for the angry wolf to come at him] There's a difference between family and a mate.

Derek: [and he does, aiming low to throw off the bigger wolf's center] Your mate becomes your family. So not as much as you think.

Nik: No, man. It's more than that. [he braces his arms to catch him around the middle, stumbling back a few steps before shoving him back] Your mate is like an extension of yourself.

Derek: [tries to keep his balance as he goes to attack again] How's that?

Nik: When you complete the bond, when you choose that person? Your emotions become tied. You can sense when they're in pain or in trouble. You often times don't even need to speak and they know what you need. And if one of the pair is lost, the other doesn't often survive the loss. It's a kind of completion you can't get from anyone else, even your family.

Derek: Doesn't sound worth it in my line of work.

Nik: Then you're always going to be feeling off center. Like you're missing something.

Derek: I've been off center since I was a teenager. I've learned to rebalance myself.

Nik: Do you want to keep rebalancing yourself forever?

Derek: If it's what I have to do. [and he's going to try and take out Nik's legs]

Nik: [jumps up and lets one foot land slightly forward to kick him back] Sounds like a lonely way to be, man.

Derek: [ducks just out of the way, going to do a flippy thingie to kick out at him] It's only lonely when I let it be.

Nik: [a look at that]

Derek: My mate died when she was fifteen. Before I even knew any of this. So the rest of you, fine you have your chances. I don't. Maybe I will eventually find someone to be with, but that person is gone.

Nik: [and rolls his eyes] It's not one person period forever.

Derek: How do you know that? You just said this makes it that when one goes, the other doesn't last long.

Nik: Did you actually form the bond with her? As in bite her with your real teeth?

Derek: .... Why would I bite her with my fangs?

Nik: Because that's now the bond is formed. It's staking a claim. Did Peter really never tell you any of this?

Derek: Probably never had the time. [is going to faint a swipe at his shoulder before kicking out at his knee]

Nik: [and that actually catches and he tumbles down onto his back with a thump and a groan] Well ... werewolf sex 101. Ever been with a girl and felt the urge to bite where her scent is the strongest?

Derek: [and he's going to bounce back a bit to give Nik room to get back up] Nope.

Nik: Then you haven't found your mate.

Derek: You realize this sounds like some crap paranormal romance novel, right?

Nik: Yeah. I know. [he pushes himself up into a sitting position] It's different for every wolf. For my dad, he knew the moment he saw her. It was just ... there. For other wolves I've talked to it took time. But it's all about your instincts. Human have their own cues for when they find "the one" - this is ours. But ours has a lot more consequences than it does for them.

Derek: I just don't see why it's so damn important? Everyone keeps acting that somethings wrong with me because it's not something I care about.

Nik: [smirks a bit] The way you were hitting that bag says otherwise.

Derek: [he sighs, deflating as he goes to just sit across from him] I'm accused of being too closed off. I open up, it gets shut down. I think too much, but I try to talk about feelings, it gets awkward. This is why I don't bother with this shit.

Nik: How'd they shut you down?

Derek: Does it matter?

Nik: Yeah, because they might not have been shutting you down the way you think they were.

Derek: I was trying to open up, and they told me they didn't need to know. So yeah, shut it down.

Nik: What were you talking about?

Derek: Just stuff. About me.

Nik: Liiiiiiiiike?

Derek: Does it matter?

Nik: Well, yeah.

Derek: Talking about reasons why I'm not worried about money

Nik: [snorts] Dude, no one wants to talk about how much money you have.

Derek: It wasn't in that context. We were talking about hobbies and how a few mistakes in learning to rebuild a motorcycle wouldn't break the bank.

Nik: But it was during the money part not the motorcycle part?

Derek: It was the talking about my family part.

Nik: Maybe they didn't get that and thought didn't want to sit through your family's investment history.

Derek: Yeah, well either way, it was a shut down from me opening up. [and pushes himself back up to his feet because he was frustrated again]

Nik: [his head falls back as he starts to get up as well] Dude. Why does it matter to you that she doesn't want to talk about how rich your family is?

Derek: It doesn't. [and he's going to find his shoes and put them on. Obviously this wasn't a good idea and it was time for him to go.]

Nik: [groans] Derek, come on. You can't just shut down every time someone tells you something you don't want to hear.

Derek: [nope, he's not going to answer, just shove his feet into his sneakers and tie them back up] Thanks for the workout. I should be heading home anyway.

Nik: [sighs heavily before waving a hand] Yeah, fine. I'll see you later.

Derek: [and he's going to head home and just go to his room, not bothering to talk to anyone, and he didn't reappear for dinner.]

Cora: [and eventually one of his sisters will knock on his door, poking her head inside] Derek?

Derek: I'm not hungry. [he's face down in a pillow, and the room smells like he's been having a very good run of hating on himself]

Cora: [sighs heavily and makes her way inside, closing the door behind her before heading to the bed and flopping down against his back]

Derek: [sighs] Cor, I just want to be alone...

Cora: [shakes her head] Nope. You being alone when you’re like this leads to you being depressed and broody.

Derek: [and stubborn. but he's not going to argue. he's just going to stay quiet and continue to perfect his ability to breathe through his pillow]

Cora: [and she's just going to stay curled up against his back if he's not going to buck her off, her hands slowly moving lower until they find his ribs and start tickling against his sides]

Derek: Stop. [and he's going to slap her hand away]

Cora: [and she will. for a few minutes. and then she'll surreptitiously start over again]

Derek: [and he will buck her off this time and turn to glare at her.] Damnit Cora I said stop.

Cora: What is going on with you?

Derek: I just want to be alone, alright?

Cora: Well, you can't be. Because you live in an apartment with three women.

Derek: Then maybe it's time I leave.

Cora: Derek.

Derek: No, I'm sick and tired of always being wrong. Everything I do or want is wrong and I'm sick and tired of everyone making me feel that I'm broken because of it.

Cora: That's not ... no. We're just trying to help you.

Derek: Well it's not. And I'm done. I'm just done.

Cora: [flops back against the bed with a sigh] Done with what?

Derek: Everything. [and if she's going to take over his bed, he's going to get up and pull on his shoes and go grab his jacket.]

Cora: Where are you going?

Derek: Out. [and he's going to storm out of his room and head for the door]

Cora: [and she will follow him out and flop on the couch in the living room next to Stiles]

Derek: [and he storms out of the loft, slamming the door behind him]

Stiles: ....... I take it that trying to make him feel better didn't work?

Cora: [shakes her head] He wasn't really budging.

Stiles: I'm sorry.

Cora: [she shrugs] He's in a really bad mood. If he doesn't want it, he won't take it.

Stiles: Well, you guys all have a very stubborn gene set. I get that.

Cora: [makes a face, before shifting to curl up next to him more]

Stiles: [wraps an arm around her] He'll just burn it off and come back. That's what he's done since I've been here on his bad days.

Cora: This seemed worse than usual.

Stiles: Maybe he had a bad appointment with his shrink?

Cora: [shrugs and just closes her eyes against his shoulder]

Stiles: [nuzzles her cheek] Just remember he's your brother and he loves you, even when he's like this.

Cora: I know. But I don't think he likes me very much right now.

Stiles: He was upset already when he came home. I don't think it's you he's mad at.

Cora: [sighs a bit before looking up at him] I guess I'll just have to spend my evening with you instead.

Stiles: [smirks] Well, his loss is my gain.

Cora: [smirks back and shifts so that her back is resting against his side and gets comfortable] So what should we do?

Stiles: Well, we could go see a movie. Or play monopoly?

Cora: Or Peter is at Nadia's and Laura is at Javi's and Malia is out...

Stiles: .............. Do we know if they are staying there for at least two hours?

Cora: I'm pretty sure they won't be back tonight.

Stiles: [thinks, then grins and takes her hand and pulls her upstairs without needing any further prompting]

Cora: [smiles as she follows his lead, following close up the stairs]