canon au } { post-3b, of father-daughter reunions and crappy plans

[thisholyspark]

Olivia: [she tries not to sleep unless she can't help herself. She stays up for stretches of time, not wanting to give Lucifer any advantages she doesn't have to. She stares at the face she's supposed to care about, the one who abandoned her, and it makes it all too easy to hate him - or more importantly, feel nothing at all. As far as plans go, this is not the way to win her support. But when she does sleep, through exhaustion or him forcing her too, she dreams of the cabin they had back at the camp, before Dean died, before her mom died, before Ben took them away and each time she gets there she waits for the other shoe to drop. If he keeps bringing her back here, there has to be something he wants. He usually taunts her there, teasing her with things she'll never have again and she wakes up pissed at herself for having to do something so pointless as sleep.

Then there are other times when she finds herself somewhere she's only seen in pictures, the place that Michael calls home sometimes when he doesn't think she's listening, and she doesn't entirely know what to expect. It's flat, glossy, almost like a photograph, but there are parts of it that are more filled in, almost as though the details are being pulled from somewhere else. That's when she really starts to worry.]

Sam: [there's a reason she keeps getting pulled there. The moment Sam saw the girl through Lucifer's eyes and how much she looked like Bela, he knew this was his daughter. It wasn't a tease, or torture. Lucifer was trying to do something to her and he didn't have the strength to fight. He barely knew if it was real anyway. But years being trapped had taught him a thing or two - he had to keep busy or he would lose his sanity - and sometimes he would try to use one of the gifts that had come with the constant consumption of demon blood in his body.

He could project the imagery. It was the first step. Now he needed to project himself. Which would be what Olivia would see this time. It was a faded version of her father, 20 years younger than his body looked now, but the edges around him were faded. His eyes though where the closest he could get to being visible, the same color he shared with his son]

Olivia: [when she sees him, she feels like she's seeing a ghost. She wishes she had a rifle in her hand or something to put between her and him, but she doesn't have anything. So she backs away from him, eyes wary and sharp for the other side of the trick.] Really? This is how desperate you are? You're showing me my dad now? [she says the word like it's a curse, something she doesn't like but can't get rid of] Try again. [he usually knows better. He usually makes her see her mom die over and over again - that usually gets better results.]

Sam: [shakes his head, his unkempt hair a mass of strings against his face and neck] Shhh. He can't know I'm here. I'm not that strong enough yet.

Olivia: [there's a moment where she realizes, a brief look of confusion and maybe even a little bit of hope, but it fades just as soon as the thought crosses her mind] No, this is another trick.

Sam: I know the feeling. I don't know how to prove it. [his image flickers a bit, the emotion making it hard to stick]

Olivia: [her eyes burn a bit as she looks away from him, because she doesn't want this. She doesn't want to be questioning whether or not this is really her father. There's a part of her that wants it to be, part of her that never got to know him and wants to, desperately, but she doesn't miss him. She doesn't need him.] What do you want?

Sam: To tell you to fight. He will use everything... anything he can. Don't do what I did. So no. Even if he threatened Michael. Or... or Ben? Say no. They will understand.

Olivia: Tell me something I don't already know. What do you think I've been doing? [it may drive her insane but she'll keep saying it, over and over again, no no no no] I don't want to be you.

Sam: You're better than me. [he flickers again] I only did... did it so you could have a chance.

Olivia: What chance!? A chance to watch my mom die? Or Uncle Dean? Or ... every other damn person I know? [it doesn't even matter that it's not really him anymore, because it's all about the anger at this point, the kind of anger she probably got from him] I don't even really know what this place looked like! This? [she gestures to the room around them] This wasn't my home. I didn't have a home. And I didn't have a father either.

Sam: I'm sorry. [he's fading a bit, because he can feel the anger and it hurts. He had just come to warn her. was that it? Did he need more? He didn't deserve more.] I'm sorry.

Olivia: [shakes her head as she slumps down into the couch, every bit the sullen teenager she's supposed to be, if the world were a different place] Don't bother. I don't want it.

Sam: I will go then. You don't want me here. [and he fades out]

[the scenery still remains though, protecting her to let her sleep for once. The pattern cycles through, Lucifer going back to her usual holding pattern and then there will be a day, one day, where she gets a break.]

Olivia: [it's a pattern. Patterns are important and she may not have gone to school but she wasn't stupid either. It's the third time that she's gotten this break, this relative moment of freedom in a place that still doesn't mean much to her, and there's a part of her that's starting to realize that maybe this isn't the trick she thought it was. maybe it actually is him. And there is still that part of her that wants to know for sure. She's curled up on the couch, arm wrapped around her knees, and after a minute she tries, tentatively ...] Sam? [he's not Dad. He probably never will be. but she at least knows his name]

Sam: [he hears his name and the world waivers just a bit before the pair of eyes show up in the darker corner. The outline of his body is barely there because he's spending his energy keeping Lucifer out] I'm... I'm here.

Olivia: [she watches him closely, trying to figure out what she's supposed to do with any of this. Every part of her screams that it should be a trap, but there's a part of her that still compulsively needs to know] Why do you keep doing this?

Sam: Keep him out. You... you need your strength.

Olivia: [it doesn't feel like strength. it mostly feels like impotent anger, but if that's what he's referring to then okay.] How are you doing this?

Sam: [too many words to explain. He thinks a moment] He gets powers. Drinking blood. I can use it too, but too long. It's hard. But you need to be safe. Sleep. Keep fighting.

Olivia: Can he tell?

Sam: Yes. I would do it every day... but takes too much. Keep him out.

Olivia: So why don't you save it? Or ... fight him instead?

Sam: Can't. That was... original plan. Dean... but I couldn't. And Dean... he wouldn't...

Olivia: [she mulls that over for a moment, biting down on the edge of her thumb as she considers it] Why aren't you more ... [she gestures vaguely. The visions of Bela she got were always solid enough to touch] ... whole? Is it something I'm doing?

Sam: No. I can't... I can't project both.

Olivia: [another pause] I don't need this. [meaning she doesn't need the house. She doesn't care about that. She doesn't know if it only works when he has her physically somewhere or not, but she just wants to point that out]

Sam: [looks at the room, then nods and it fizzles away. Give him another moment and he closes his eyes, and slowly forms himself up as solid as he can make himself. Which he can get pretty damn solid - more than he thought he'd be able to. he opens his eyes and looks at her] Better?

Olivia: [she nods a bit.] Makes me feel a little less crazy. [or something.]

Sam: You're not crazy.

Olivia: Ben and Michael would both debate that statement on a good day.

Sam: [there is a small chuckle at that] I wish I could do more... to get you away from him.

Olivia: [she shrugs. It is what it is. Demons have been after her since the day she was born - it's nothing she hasn't dealt with before] Price of being a Winchester, I guess.

Sam: I would do anything... to take that price from you. Your brother. You don't deserve... to hurt because of my sins.

Olivia: Yeah, but that's the funny thing about consequences. They don't always land on you.

Sam: Did your mom... ever tell why? [why he said yes]

Olivia: [her face crumples a bit at the mention of her mom, but she pushes it back] Probably wanted to wait until I was older. When I would get it more. I was only ten when she ... [you know.]

Sam: [nods] Lucifer did to me... what he is doing to you. Threatened to take Michael and you away. Your mom. Dean... We thought I was strong enough. I let him in, hold him, and Dean was going to do a spell. But it didn't work. I... [he closes his eyes] You were a baby. Michael was little. I had to make a choice. But I lost you all anyway.

Olivia: So it was just a really stupid plan then?

Sam: It was all we had.

Olivia: [nods slowly, still not really liking it but getting it at least]

Sam: I wish I could have done more. But sometimes fathers make choices... children don't like. Mine did too, so I know why you are angry at me. And I don't blame you. I was angry too at mine.

Olivia: At least your dad was there.

Sam: He wasn't. Dean was. Dean raised me.

Olivia: No ... [huffs slightly] I never even got to look at pictures of you. Because Dean didn't want to confuse me if Lucifer ever showed up to kill us all. Dawn or Mom would tell me stories sometimes, but ... that's all they were. You weren't just absent you were ... practically a myth.

Sam: [chuckles at that] I'm not a very good myth.

Olivia: [eyebrow raise] Would you prefer cautionary tale?

Sam: [gives her a small smile] It's more accurate.

Olivia: [eye roll] That's not the point.

Sam: I can't speak for what Dean and your mom did. They wanted to keep you safe. [he's not pausing as much in his words as he keeps talking] I never got to watch you grow up. All I remember is a tiny baby who would hold my finger and sleep on my chest when I would sing to her. And I was a bad singer.

Olivia: [yeah, she doesn't even remember that. All she has is a bunch of disjointed stories Dawn used to tell her to get her to sleep. They were good stories, but they weren't going to take the place of a parent] The point is, I look at you and all I see is ... him. At least when you were angry with your dad, you knew who you were angry with.

Sam: I understand. I look at you, and all I see is Bela yelling at me for something I did.

Olivia: [and her eyes are down on her hands again. She misses her mom so much it hurts sometimes.]

Sam: [thinks, then tilts his head] I can try something. I don't know how well it will work. Can I touch your cheek?

Olivia: [eyes him skeptically for a moment, before nodding]

Sam: [he comes closer, then gently lifts his hand to run along her cheek before closing his eyes. He starts to focus on a memory he still had that he held onto tight. It was him, Michael on his hip, leaning over Bela in a bed. Olivia had just been born, and they were there as a family. Sam reached over to run his finger along her cheek and the tiny baby hand went up to grasps his. "She knows me" he said, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I wish I had a better world to give you, angel... but I will always protect you" he said as he kissed her forehead, then went to kiss Bela]

Olivia: [she jerks away from him before she can reach the end, her eyes clouding a bit a she looks away from him. It catches in her chest a little, how much she wanted that and she didn't get to have it. It takes her a minute to get a hold of herself, a moment to fight the tears that are threatening to spill over, and when she looks back again, she's back to normal] Too bad it didn't stay that way.

Sam: [lowers his hand, stepping back to give her space again] Maybe in another time, we could have. I can't say I'm sorry enough for leaving you. But I think it would have been worse if I had stayed.

Olivia: Maybe. I don't know. [she shrugs] Can't take it back now.

Sam: No. But I will still always protect you from him as best I can.

Olivia: [her eyes stay on her hands, because if she looks at him, she doesn't know what she'd do. She doesn't know how to handle this at all.] Thanks. I guess.

Sam: I wish I could have been there, Olivia. Or at least a better father. But this is all I can give. It will never be enough, for either of us... but it's all I can do now to protect you.

Olivia: [she sighs softly] How much longer do you think we have?

Sam: [closes his eyes a moment to focus] He has given up trying to break in for now. So we have until you wake.

Olivia: [nods for a minute] If you feel him pushing you out? Don't let me keep sleeping.

I will. [thinks] You know, I remember reading about how dreams worked, and you can live a lifetime in a dream that is only a few hours of your life on Earth. But if you want... as long as I'm strong enough... you can know me now.

Olivia: [is quiet for a moment, almost as though she's trying to weigh the pros and cons. but eventually she looks up and nods slowly] Okay.

Sam: [he smiles at that, and that little bit of solidity he was missing finishes. She just gave him a bit more strength through that hope to know her] I guess we have to figure out where to start.

Olivia: [there's a long pause before] Did you and Dawn really chase down a chaos demon with nothing but a hacksaw?

Sam: [laughs] Oh God. Yes, we did. Which probably shows you how good we are at planning.

Olivia: [makes a face] And did Mom actually shoot you once?

Sam: Yes. But it was before anything happened between us. I never let her forget that though. [the room shifts and the couch reappears and Sam goes to sit on it] I had picked up a cursed rabbits foot, and she stole it from me, cursing me with bad luck.

Olivia: And you wound up with her anyway?

Sam: [oh he is not telling his daughter how they got married] Um [blushing a bit] Our paths kept crossing... and eventually we just stopped being adversaries and got to know each other. After that... well, you can't help who you fall in love with sometimes. It's the ones you don't expect that will make your life worth living at their side.

Olivia: [there's a long pause] Do you know, how she ... ?

Sam: [nods slowly] Lucifer took great delight in letting me know. I also witnessed Dean too.

Olivia: [looks down at her hands] I don't want Ben to turn into Dean.

Sam: Ben..... I have heard whispers of him and seen through Lucifer's eyes once or twice, but I don't know much about him. Lucifer knows what Zachariah gave him though.

Olivia: They made a deal. And I don't know what it is, but ... he's supposed to kill you.

Sam: I know. If I have enough strength... I can try and help him.

Olivia: [nods a bit. it's not a promise, but it's something]

Sam: I wish there was another way, but Lucifer did something to bind himself in me so I can't kick him out.

Olivia: It's okay. The important thing is that this ends.

Sam: So tell me about you. I missed your whole life...

Olivia: [she gives a bit of a shrug] I ... I don't really know.

Sam: I can imagine it hasn't been easy on you. But there had to be good times?

Olivia: Sometimes, yeah. Ben did a good job taking care of us.

Sam: I guess he slipped into Dean's shoes. Did they at least have some time together?

Olivia: [a bit of a shrug] Uncle Dean ... he was trying to protect him.

Sam: [sighs] Sounds like him.

Olivia: He wasn't as bad as people thought. At least when no one was watching anyway. [he was always good with her. maybe she was that outlet, the one he needed to not lose himself completely.]

Sam: I'm glad you got to see the good in him.

Olivia: I was probably the only one who did.

Sam: Well, you were my special girl.

Olivia: [her eyes drop again, not really sure how to respond to that]

Sam: If this is going to make you uncomfortable... [and look, Olivia... that's where the puppy eyes in the family come from. That look right there]