peter & cora } { of ptsd and lost teen years

[impetere]

Derek: [he's been feeling more at home in beacon hills since the return of his arm. He now goes out more often, mostly training in the reserve, but every now and then he'll poke his head into town. Like today as he waits outside the high school for his sister to get out of class]

Cora: [it's one of the few days in her senior year that Cora is not making her way out accompanied by Scott and Stiles. Ever since she made the decision to turn Erica, followed by the decision to take at least a gap year in terms of school, she's felt a small bit of separation between her and her best friends, as they go off to do college prep things, and she's left with more free time than is probably good for her. Stiles is at an Air Force prep course, and Erica and Scott are at a local college visit for their respective majors, so she was looking forward to a nice afternoon of ... well, homework. But, she catches Derek scent as she steps outside the door and flashes him a smile and a wave as she makes her way closer] Hey. What are you doing here?

Derek: I was remembering how I used to pick you up from school and we'd get milkshakes for the walk home. I saw the place was still in business today. Thought maybe you'd be interested.

Cora: Yeah. Milkshakes sound great. [as does the brother time, but that goes without saying]

Derek: Great. [and together they walk towards downtown]

Cora: [falls in next to him and adjusts her backpack] So how're things with you and Fi?

Derek: Good. She keeps me in line. [smiles]

Cora: [laughs] Good. You need that sometimes.

Derek: [laughs] Sometimes. And sometimes she just reminds me to breathe.

Cora: You need that too. I think we both do. [though Cora still isn't very good at it. That's what she has her friends for]

Derek: So how are you doing?

Cora: [she shrugs] Erica's adjusting well, so that's good. It's been nice having another girl around, aside from Fiona or Melissa. Someone my own age, you know?

Derek: Even up the odds?

Cora: I love Scott and Stiles but they're still very much ... boys.

Derek: I hate to tell you, they will always be that way.

Cora: I'm aware. Hence Erica.

Derek: Just let me know if I annoy you.

Cora: Promise. And you don't for the record. But that will probably change the longer you stick around.

Derek: It better, or I'm not doing the sibling thing right. [smirks]

Cora: [she laughs] True. But right now you're still in the "I missed you so much and find your flaws vaguely charming" phase.

Derek: [laughs as well] You really did miss me.

Cora: Of course I did. I probably drove Peter crazy asking if he had heard anything about you.

Derek: So when did this whole thing about Peter getting married happen?

Cora: Uh. Scott and I were thirteen, I think?

Derek: I never thought I'd see Peter settle down with someone.

Cora: I wouldn't call Melissa settling. She gives him a run for his money.

Derek: I haven't spent much time with her.

Cora: She works a lot. But you should try, when she has some time off. [a beat] I know she's not Mom, but she wound up ... being a lot of those things for me when I needed it, so it would mean a lot if you did. And I know it would mean a lot to Peter too.

Derek: I can try. I just... when I was in DC, the pack that took Laura and I in became a surrogate family to us.

Cora: I know. [she swallows before looking back at him] Maybe they could come out here sometime to visit.

Derek: I hope so. But that last fight did a lot of damage to all of us.

Cora: [nods, because she doesn't know how to help him with that. the alpha in her wants to act, while the girl in her doesn't know how] Well, let them know that they're welcome whenever.

Derek: [and he will give her a smile] Thanks, kiddo.

Cora: [she nods with a smile] Anytime.

Derek: [and look they are at the ice cream shop]

Cora: [and inside they will go inside and Cora will order some moose tracks]

Derek: [and he will get vanilla fudge swirl]

Cora: Are we staying or going?

Derek: Your choice.

Cora: [she glances around, then opts to sit on one of the tables near the window]

Derek: [and he will join her] I think I've reached the end of my socializing questions. [chuckles]

Cora: [she laughs, and she'll look quietly out the window for a minute, before turning back to him again] Do you think I'm doing the right thing? Holding off on going to school?

Derek: A lot of people take gap years. Taking a year off to figure out what you want to do is actually a smart choice.

Cora: [she nods] Part of me is worried that knowing Beacon Hills, it won't be just a gap year. It'll be ... not going at all.

Derek: [licks his lips, because he's not the poster child for college attendance] Do you know what you want to do? Beyond being an alpha?

Cora: You say that like I wanted to be the alpha in the first place. [because she didn't. she's holding on to the power because it's her family's power and it's better than being in the hands of someone else, but she's not sure that this is a position for her at all]

Derek: If you don't want it... [he looks at his ice cream, because he doesn't feel he would be a good alpha. When he hadn't received it after Laura's death, he thought it was because he was unworthy, not that Cora was still alive somewhere.]

Cora: It's not ... [she feels like she said something wrong, and she didn't mean to] I mean, Mom never thought to prepare me for this. It was never supposed to be me. So ... I never really thought about it as something I wanted.

Derek: Back before I knew you and Peter were alive... when Laura died and I didn't get it--I thought the power decided I wasn't worth it.

Cora: Why would you think that?

Derek: Well, having my ass kicked and losing an arm for starters.

Cora: Deucalion's blind. His alpha powers haven't up and abandoned him.

Derek: Deuc was a alpha before he was injured.

Cora: Still. It's not about that.

Derek: No, but it could be about this. [he looked up at her, blue eyes glowing for the length of one blink]

Cora: [frowns, because she didn't know. but she doesn't really know what to say either]

Derek: [he nods, looking out the window] You didn't know. I would have thought Peter would have told you. Or, you could just tell somehow.

Cora: He told me other stuff. [like she knows about him and Kate, and they haven't talked about that yet, but she's had a while to adjust to it] He didn't tell me everything though. He said some stuff was yours to tell me.

Derek: What did he tell you?

Cora: About Kate. [a beat] Not ... directly. He was telling the Sheriff, I was hiding in the bathroom.

Derek: [and he sighs, closing his eyes. His shame and sadness filled the air]

Cora: [she reaches forward, placing her hand on his] I don't blame you.

Derek: Don't have to. I blame myself enough for both of us.

Cora: [she frowns] She was using you. It's not your fault that you fell for it.

Derek: Peter warned me against her. I should have listened, but I thought it could work.

Cora: You wanted to believe her. Because you cared about her? [which feels gross to say, but it might have been true]

Derek: I did. I was stupid.

Cora: Maybe. But you were a kid. You're allowed to be stupid. I'm not, thanks to genetics, but you were.

Derek: [and that will get her a bark of laughter from him]

Cora: [is that a good laugh or bad laugh? She hopes it's a good laugh]

Derek: [it's a good laugh. Because of course his sisters continue to believe they are smarter than him]

Cora: [that's not what she's saying. She's saying that she's burdened with responsibility that kind of takes all the fun out of being a teenager. but she'll take the good laugh and smile] Eventually you have to forgive yourself, Derek. Or you're never going to be able to move on. And it looks like you have a lot of really good things going for you right now.

Derek: I know. But I can't. Not yet. I've caused too much hurt.

Cora: [she takes another deep breath, before taking another bite of her ice cream] Okay. Then ... what do you want to do to atone then? Something more productive than brooding all the time.

Derek: [and she will get a single eyebrow raise, but he can't contradict her because he does brood. He knows it and doesn't apologize for it.] I want to get revenge for Laura and Mom.

Cora: Do you want revenge or do you want justice?

Derek: A bit of both.

Cora: [sighs, and plays with her ice cream] Then I don't know if you're going to find it here. The Argents haven't been back here since the fire.

Derek: Yeah, but neither have I. And I'm still unfinished business.

Cora: Technically so am I. I'm the Hale alpha now, and I haven't exactly been hiding.

Derek: They came after me in DC, Cora. Laura died protecting me. You know how they feel about blue eyes.

Cora: [sighs leaning back in her chair a bit] What do you think I should do?

Derek: Stay alive.

Cora: Other than that.

Derek: Cora, you're my baby sister, and I know you want me here. But if the Argents come here for me, you need to let me go so they don't find you or the pack. I can't be responsible for losing another sister.

Cora: Yeah, well, guess what. I'm also your alpha now. And I just got you back, so maybe instead of thinking you need to run away from me to keep me safe all the time, you should try letting me help you. [it comes out a little harder than she intended, because she spent so long waiting for Peter to find Derek and bring him home, she's not going to let him just disappear. it's clear she's upset, despite the evenness of her voice, due to their being in public] I'm not a little kid anymore. And it's not just you and Laura either. You have a pack now. We need to do this together.

Derek: [and he winces because alpha disapproval goes deep. He wants to point out that he had a pack there too, in DC. But it wasn't needed. He understood what she meant and kept his head down and stayed quiet because he was a beta and the alpha was upset]

Cora: [she's not used to that, either, and in a way that makes it worse. She doesn't want Derek to cave and do as she says, she wants him to want to work with her. But she doesn't know how to control this power she wields yet. Taking a deep breath, she looks down at her ice cream that's mostly soup at this point and goes to pick it up and throw it in the trash] I should get home. I have homework to do. Can ... can we talk about this later?

Derek: [nods] Yeah, we can. Just give me a call.

Cora: Okay. [and she'll grab her backpack and give him a small smile] Tell Fi I said hi?

Derek: I will.

Cora: [she nods, and with that, she'll go home to flop dramatically on her bed once she gets to her room and try not to dwell on how much she dislikes this power she has over people now that she never wanted. She tries to be responsible with it, but it doesn't help when she keeps feeling so isolated and alone, where her words have more power than she wants them to. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, trying to contain how awful it feels but keep it to herself, and not have it leak through to anyone else, with varying degrees of success]

Peter: [he could feel her frustration when she got home, so he gave Cora room as he worked to get dinner in the oven. When he was done and the kitchen was cleaned, he walked upstairs and knocked on her door]

Cora: [she pushes up at the knock on the door and sighs] It's open.

Peter: [and he will toe the door open] Dinner will be ready in an hour.

Cora: Okay. I'll be down in a bit. [she seems far too tired for her age, and tries for a small smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes]

Peter: Well, you could do that, or we could sit up here and chat a bit. If you want.

Cora: [she considers quietly, before giving a small shrug] Today is one of those days where I really hate being an alpha.

Peter: [and he will walk in and go sit on her bed next to her] What happened?

Cora: Derek met me after school and we were talking and ... he's decided that the best course of action is that if the Argents come back, for him to run to "keep the pack safe." And I told him it was a dumb idea and he shouldn't do it, and the way he reacted ... [she takes a breath] I don't want my pack to feel like they're just doing as I say because I'm the alpha, even if it's not what they really want. I want to talk about it, and do it together, but now there's this thing about me now where people just don't challenge me anymore. Or that I can't be upset about something without making them flinch. I want them to still be my friends or my brother.

Peter: [sighs] Cora, you brother... you know what PTSD is, right?

Cora: Yeah.

Peter: Your brother is suffering from it, as well as survivor's guilt, three times over. He needs help, and it's not just something him being here with us can fix.

Cora: [for a moment she goes back and forth on how to respond to that because Derek thinking about running is not the part that bothers her. But she's also confused at what Peter is trying to say there] So you think he should run?

Peter: No, but it's why he thinks he should. It's why he's hyper obedient. He failed people, and people died because of him. He doesn't want either of those to happen again.

Cora: It's not just him though.

Peter: How do the others act?

Cora: Like ... I'm not the same person I was before. They put a lot of trust in me, and I know, I turned them, so they're my responsibility but ... sometimes I just want my best friend back.

Peter: Your mother had to learn how to walk the line between alpha and friend. It's hard at first, but the power wouldn't be special if it was easy to master.

Cora: I know. And I know it's not their fault, but ... sometimes I just want to be a kid. That's what I'm supposed to be.

Peter: You can.

Cora: Can I? Because it doesn't feel like it. [it feels like her life's already been decided for her, and there's no wiggle room to look to the future the way her friends could]

Peter: Of course you can. [reaches over to rub her knee] When you were younger, you may not remember but your mother used to have designated "girls nights" with her friends from high school that still lived in the area. She learned how to be an alpha, but that the alpha doesn't always have to be turned on. This responsibility is important, but it isn't your life. You define what kind of alpha you're going to be, no one else, and if that means you give certain, more adult responsibilities to a second and only lead when needed so you can finish growing up, then do it. As you show that to your pack, they will still respect you, but they will see you as Cora, not as their alpha master.

Cora: [in some ways that makes sense, but her mom was also an adult when she became an alpha. She feels like she's merging two parts of herself that she doesn't fully understand yet. but she needs to think about it before she can give a better answer, so she just nods to show that she understands]

Peter: I know I've been acting like your second since it was just us for awhile, but you can choose someone to make it official. That way you can go do things for yourself and the pack can go to them instead, and if you're really needed, your second can find you.

Cora: I'll think about it.

Peter: Good. [and he will get up to go]

Cora: [and she will come down for dinner, and when she returns to her room and still isn't feeling great about things she'll reach for her phone to text Stiles] Are you back from the AF thing yet?

Stiles: [is face down on the couch, exhausted. He reaches for the phone when it buzzes, and hits mic because he can't type] im hoeba sleet [because that's how he sounds facedown]

Cora: [she luckily speaks Stiles voice text] Doing anything tomorrow?

Stiles: mno

Cora: Wanna hang out?

Stiles: sure

Cora: Okay. I can bring over food?

Stiles: foe kay

Cora: Okay. Sleep well.

Stiles: [and he won't respond for awhile. Because, you know, sleep. But in like 20 minutes, she will get a sideways heart]

Cora: [and that will make her smile, but she'll do some homework before passing out herself, and will bring over the appropriate meal for whatever time of day she's heading over.]

Stiles: [and he will be awake, showered, and in his room doing "homework". Which is really video games]

Cora: [and the sheriff will let her up and she'll knock on his door] Hey.

Stiles: Hey. Come in. I'll be done in a sec oh you asshole that's it I'm kicking your ass.

Cora: [she snorts but kicks off her shoes and makes herself comfortable in her usual spot on Stiles's bed, cross-legged with her back up against the wall] Take your time.

Stiles: [and he will be doing the whole playing video games with his entire body, because SERIOUS BUSINESS in Fortnight, ok?]

Cora: [oh she's sure but if he doesn't hurry up she's going to eat his curly fries]

Stiles: [and then there is a cheerful victory and he stands up, victory dance wiggle]

Cora: Success?

Stiles: Oh yeah. He went down in flames. Literally. [and he will close his laptop and go join her] Ooo curly fries.

Cora: [she nudges the bag between them so he can have at it] So how was the thing yesterday?

Stiles: It was okay. Took a few placement tests. Checked my eyes to see if I could qualify for flying.

Cora: [she nods] Still no second thoughts? [not as though she wants to convince him to, but more because she tends to have second thoughts about every decision she makes]

Stiles: [wrinkles his nose as he untangles some fries] I mean, everyone's going different directions. And it's only for four years, unless I can get into NASA. But then Dad won't have to pay for college.

Cora: Yeah, that's true. [she plays with a worn spot in her jeans] I'm just gonna miss you.

Stiles: [looks over at her] Do you want me to stay?

Cora: Of course I do. You're my best friend, I want you around. But I don't want you to stay if it's not something you want.