canon au } { post-1415: peace of mind

[makesomethingup]

Michael: [this is, above all, been Michael's least favorite hunt. Everything about it has just ... sucked, honestly, so once everything is all said and done, he slumps into the passenger's seat next to his dad, looking pissed off and sour, and he intends to stay that way for most of the ride home]

Sam: [and while Sam has been known to be the quiet, brooding one, it is obvious his son inherited his quietness from his father. But being the father in the car, he probably should ask his son what was wrong, right?

This is totally why Dean didn't ask Sam questions in the car, isn't it?] You want to talk about it?

Michael: Will you actually talk about it or are you just saying that to make yourself feel better?

Sam: Technically, I said it because I want you to feel better.

Michael: [her shakes his head, turning his eyes out to the road. He lets his dad drive for a while before coming back with] You gave up.

Sam: Gave up?

Michael: You let that asshole take over your brain and you just ... gave in.

Sam: [sighs] I didn't know what was happening until it was too late.

Michael: Mmm. Okay. [he has a hard time believing that. This is a Sam who held down Lucifer because he believed in it hard enough.]

Sam: [he lets the silence linger a moment] After I left the cage... having had Lucifer in my head all that time, it weakened me. I'm susceptible to magic that manipulates my head. I've been love spelled, residue hallucinations, all before you and your sister got here.

Michael: Sure. Blame Lucifer. [this is a Michael who's Sam managed to fight down Lucifer when it mattered most]

Sam: [he looks over at his son, all puppy eyed Winchester, then just goes back to focusing on the road]

Michael: Did you even want to fight back?

Sam: [thinks] I don't remember. Everything was a fog and it just... it felt like I was wrapped in a warm blanket. You know you need to get up, but you are warm and sleepy and just want to stay for five more minutes.

Michael: Well, for the rest of us it sucked.

Sam: I know, and I'm sorry.

Michael: [he takes a deep breath and turns to face him] I get that things are shitty right now? I really do? But hiding from the world doesn't help anyone. What that psychopath was doing doesn't make the world better. Magicking away the problems doesn't actually make the problems go away. You aren't the only one who lost almost every friend you had. [though that statement might be more accurate to Michael than Sam]

Sam: [he's going to pull over to the side of the road, then take a deep breath] If I had just let Dean go through with his plan... but I just couldn't let go. And now they died because of that. Because of me.

Michael: Maybe. Or maybe they would have died of something else. Or maybe Dean never would have said yes and Lucifer would have killed them all months ago. Or maybe Michael never came here at all, but then they would have died back in that alternate world. Everyone dies, Sam. [which ... it's been a while since Michael's called him anything other than Dad, but he needs to make a point] Everyone does. They happened to die this way, and it was shitty and it sucks, but you don't get to just disappear into Happyville and forget you ever knew them because that's pretty fucked up too.

Sam: [nods, closing his eyes] You're right.

Michael: Thank you. [he slumps back in the seat] I'm not saying you can't be sad about it, but ... you can't do that again. Or I will not let Cas talk me out of calling Mom to shoot you back into sanity next time.

Sam: [there's a small smile there] You really don't play around when you're angry.

Michael: There's a reason Ben avoids pissing me off.

Sam: And here I thought Liv was the one to fear.

Michael: Oh, no. She is. She would have shot you herself.

Sam: Good to know. [he looks over and puts a hand on Michael's shoulder] I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gave in, and I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'll try not to do it again.

Michael: [deflates a little more and nods] Good.

Sam: So, you still going to tell your mother about this?

Michael: Oh, I texted her hours ago.

Sam: [groans and leans his head back against the seat]

Michael: She didn't say what she was going to do about it, so who knows? Maybe she'll decide to just yell at you over the phone.

Sam: I should really make out a will. Dear children, if you are reading this, odds are your mother has finally shot me somewhere that mattered.

Michael: [he snorts] You must have really pissed her off if that's the case.

Sam: Exactly. [smiles]

Michael: [exhales slowly and relaxes into less of a sulk] I don't think it'll be too bad.

Sam: It'll probably be a long lecture and a week of strong looks.

Michael: Probably. [Bela's dealt with Sam's depression before, it will mostly be looks of concern] I'm just glad I didn't have to tell her you were still stuck there because I couldn't figure it out.

Sam: Honestly, there are days I realize you are a much better hunter than I ever was.

Michael: [looks at him, confused] Seriously?

Sam: [nods] You handle stress a lot better than I do, and it lets you keep a level head. While I was hunting Dean, you took over home base and had operations working so efficiently.

Michael: [shrugs] I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I really suck at it. Running ops is one thing, actually being out in the field and talking to people is another.

Sam: You get better at it the more you do it.

Michael: Maybe. But that's not just talking to people. It's conning them a little too, and I'm not sure I like that.

Sam: Well, the alternative is that we tell them the truth and eventually we end up in a mental clinic for the rest of our lives.

Michael: Probably best to avoid that.

Sam: Done it once or twice already. Not a fan.

Michael: [he nods, before a small smile crosses his face] Molly didn't think I was crazy.

Sam: And you're damn lucky about that.

Michael: I know.

Sam: And she also didn't curse you by stealing a rabbit's foot, and later shoot you.

Michael: No, she did not. But I just always assumed you were into that kind of thing.

Sam: Um, no. I like being alive and not full of holes.

Michael: You married her.

Sam: Things changed. Doesn't mean I want her to shoot me

Michael: I'm just saying. You considered it an acceptable risk. [he's mostly teasing]

Sam: You know, she also considered dating me. Why aren't you teasing her?

Michael: Yeah, but you probably wouldn't have shot her. [Dean would have, but he's not the topic of conversation right now]

Sam: I thought about it

Michael: But you didn't. [he smirks] Also one time Dean got really drunk and told me that you used to talk about her in your sleep. My Dean, not your Dean.

Sam: Uh huh. That so?

Michael: [holds up his hands] I'm just saying. If it's what you're into, it's what you're into.

Sam: [sighs] You do realize how awkward this conversation is.

Michael: [raises an eyebrow] I was mostly raised by Dean. And then Ben. Define awkward.

Sam: I take back my comment. [smirks]

Michael: I'm also not complaining about you and mom, for the record.

Sam: I know. I'm just glad you're here now, getting a chance to have some safety and a life outside of an apocalypse.

Michael: Safety is relative, given what we do.