feel the noise } { of confessions and baggage

[braveandstupid]

[As her time in LA comes to a close, Elena knows she needs to tell Ben the truth. She, Ben and Jeremy are having dinner out on the patio when she takes a deep breath and decides it’s now or never.]

Elena: [eventually she realizes there's no easy way to do this and she pushes herself up onto the log, taking his hand as she does] So ... you know what I said before? About being all in?

Ben: Yeah [he's still distracted though, scratching notes]

Elena: Ben. [she's trying to get his attention, but if that doesn't work right off she'll follow up with] If we're going to do this there's something you should know.

Ben: [that last bit gets his attention and he looks up, confused] Did I do something wrong?

Elena: No! No. Just ... you know how I keep saying that my life is a lot more complicated than it seems? [ a beat] If we're going to do this, you need to know why.

Ben: [looks at Jeremy, then her as he puts his guitar down] Crazy ex-boyfriend or something?

Elena: [there's a half-laugh] Something like that. [there's a beat as she tries to figure out where to start] I'm not just a teacher. I'm also a hunter.

Ben: [his eyes narrow and he tilts his head] Really? I didn't take you for the kind of girl going out and shooting deer...

Elena: [she shakes her head] Not deer. ... Vampires. Well, not just vampires, but those tend to be the ones that I come across more often than not.

Ben: [just... blinks. Then laughs] Sure, alright. Elena Gilbert, Vampire Hunter. I get it. [looks at Jeremy to laugh with him, but the other Gilbert's face is serious and his laughter fades a bit]

Elena: [her eyes drop a bit to where she has his hand in hers] There's a lot ... more than that, that's just the easiest part to say.

Ben: You're not joking, are you? Elena, Vampires aren't real.

Elena: Yes, they are. They've been a near constant part of my life since I was seventeen years old.

Jeremy: Ben, she's not lying. It's the reason we left Virginia.

Ben: [just licking his lips] No, monsters aren't real. Vampires aren't real. [he's scared more than angry in that]

Elena: [she takes the hand between hers and lifts it, giving it a soft squeeze] I know this is a lot, and it's hard to deal with, but I wouldn't lie to you. Not about something like this.

Ben: [his hand is shaking, revealing the same fear as he lowers his head] Why are you telling me this?

Elena: Because it's always going to be a part of my life. It's not something I can quit or give up. And if we're going to do this, if we're going to be together, I want you to be safe. [she sighs] I've tried keeping people in the dark before and they've died because they weren't prepared. I won't have that happen to you. [a beat] I don't expect you to hunt with me or any of that, but there are easy ways to protect yourself day-to-day.

Jeremy: [sitting up, not saying anything, but trying to be there for both of them]

Ben: [sad laugh] Like I need more things to be worried about in my life. [he rubs at his face with his free hand]

Elena: [she takes another inch closer, not wanting to invade his space but not wanting to be far away either] I know this is a lot and if you don't want to do this, I'll understand. [mostly because she hasn't even gotten to the words "doppelganger" and "Klaus" yet, but she wants to take this one step at a time]

Ben: It's... it's just a lot to take in right now. [because it's bringing back a lot of childhood flashbacks he had locked away so long now]

Elena: I know. I get it. [there's a pause] I could go and crash with Jeremy tonight. Give you some time.

Ben: No, it's your last night here. I don't want you to leave. [ he's certain on that.] I just... I don't know how to deal with that right now. There's just stuff... I don't know.

Elena: [the first part is ... good. She'd been worried that it would drive him away and she takes that as a sign that she can be a little closer, one hand leaving his to slide her fingers through his hair a bit] We'll talk it through. Whatever you need.

Ben: [just nods, leaning against her hand] Take it there's no chance you'd give up that kind of life?

Elena: [she shakes her head] I couldn't, even if I wanted to. I don't do this because I like it, Ben. I do it because I have to, to protect myself and my family.

Ben: What happened that made you find out about all this? Choose this life?

Elena: [exhales slowly, and then out comes all of it. Stefan, Katherine, Klaus, her being a doppelganger, everything that drove her away from Mystic Falls and into hunting. It's ... a lot of talking but she doesn't stop unless in interrupts her]

Ben: [just listens, so much to take in. Jeremy gets up at one point and wanders into the house and comes back out with a six pack of beer and puts one in Ben's hand, the rest by their feet]

Elena: [when she finishes, she reaches for a beer herself] And that's it. Now you know ... pretty much everything there is to know about me.

Ben: And yet, still less complicated than Miley.

Jeremy: [busts out laughing at that]

Elena: [blinks in surprise at first before she's laughing herself] Good. Jokes are good. We need them more often than not.

Ben: [he chuckles, and then squeezes her hand] I um... I think you need to know something about me too then.

Elena: I think after all of that, I can take it.

Ben: I... I was kidnapped when I was a kid.

Jeremy: What? You never told me about that?

Ben: There wasn't much to tell. I mean, I was eight. It was for maybe a day or two. But... but I swear she wasn't human. But everyone kept telling me I was making things up.

Elena: [ doesn't seem so surprised, but that's mostly because Sam already filled her in] A lot of people aren't ready to believe. It's not your fault.

Ben: Afterwards... for years... I kept thinking monsters were watching me. Sometimes I would look at people in the street and their eyes were black. So um, when I was twelve... Mom kinda sent me to a hospital for a few weeks.

Elena: [Sam said he was in therapy. He didn't say that he was institutionalized] What?

Ben: She didn't know how to help me. I was having nightmares, seeing things, and I felt like I was going crazy. So my doctor suggested I spend part of my summer break in this kids’ hospital and they made me believe I wasn't in danger and monsters weren't real. And I’ve clung to that and now... you're telling me I was never crazy at all?

Elena: [her eyes soften a bit and she shakes her head, her fingers brushing against the back of his neck] No. In fact, it sounds like you were being watched by demons.

Ben: Demons? [his voice is cracking a bit, so confused] Why would demons be watching a kid?

Elena: That, I don't know. [more like that's not her story to tell] But I'll look into it. See if I can find out?

Ben: [nods] So Vampires and demons are real. Great. Feel so much safer now. [sarcasm, the weapon of a Winchester]

Elena: I can help you feel safer. Like this? [she holds up his wrist with the bracelet she gave him] This has an herb in it called vervain. It will keep you from being compelled by a vampire.

Ben: Compelled?

Jeremy: Yeah, mind controlled.

Ben: ..... Alright. What else do they do?

Elena: They're stronger and faster than normal humans, and they heal faster. Sometimes they can enter your dreams, too. But all of the mental stuff can be blocked with vervain. It also weakens them, so if it's in your system and they try to feed on you, it'll knock them out. [most of the time. except for the vampires who drink vervain so it won't.]

Ben: Feed? Like bite on the neck suck my blood and kill me feeding?

Elena: Exactly like that. But not all vampires are bad, either. Some are strictly on a blood bag diet. It's just ... something that happened to them.

Ben: Alright, so there are good vampires and bad vampires. Do they sparkle in the sun?

Elena: No. Most of them can't do sunlight, actually. But some of them have rings spelled by magic so that they can walk in daylight.

Ben: ... okay. [he's slowing shaking less but it's obvious that he's a long way from this being "fine" in his book]

Elena: [she doesn't expect him to be fine with any of this right now. But she's glad that he's not telling her she's crazy] They also can't come in unless you invite them in verbally. That's why Jeremy and I never say "come in" or anything like that. You never know who you're talking to.

Ben: You may need to write all these rules down.

Elena: It'll get easier once you get practice with them.

Ben: So... do I need to worry about any vampires coming after me when you leave?

Elena: [she shakes her head] It's been quiet for a long time. I don't think you'll run into any trouble, so long as you're safe.

Ben: [nods] Okay.

Elena: [nods a bit before glancing back down to her hands again] I'm sorry for just ... springing this on you, but sometimes there isn't really another way to do it.

Ben: Honestly, I don't know how to deal with it, but I'd rather figure it out... than not know and have you feel that you have to lie to me about it.

Elena: [she smiles a bit at that] I don't want to lie to you. In my experience, lying ... hurts more than it helps. Jeremy can attest to that.

Jeremy: Yeah. Like you know, having her vampire ex-boyfriend constantly taking away my memories so I don't remember bad stuff that happened to me.

Ben: Wait, what?

Elena: [cringes] It wasn't my ex-boyfriend, it was his brother and ... I was a little stupid back then. I didn't really ... get what it was doing to him.

Ben: Well, I always thought you had some kind of brain damage. This just explains it.

Jeremy: Ha ha. funny, man.

Elena: A lot of what Damon did was reversed. And he forgave me for it, eventually.

Jeremy: Mostly.

Elena: I'm not going to do it again. I learned my lesson.

Ben: Good. [because he apparently had too many people messing with his head as it was]

Elena: [yeah, there's a price with compulsion and she learned it the hard way]

Ben: [looks at the stars starting to come out, since they had been on the beach awhile. The fire's also burned down, and the cold wind is starting to come down across the beach.] We should move this party back inside.

Elena: [nods as she stoops to pick up the beer and some of the other stuff around]

Jeremy: [grabs the water bucket to put out the fire, and then dumps sand on top of it]

Ben: [Gathers up his guitar and notebook. Eventually they all get inside. Jeremy and Ben talk quickly about where Jeremy can sleep since his friend is working the night shift and morning so it was easier for him to say goodbye that afternoon]

Jeremy: Well, I'll let you guys both have your fun and I'll hide on the other side of the house.

Elena: [makes her way closer and hugs him anyway, just for being there, more than anything else] Night, Jer.

Jeremy: [hugs her back, and whispers in her ear] You did the right thing. [and then he pulls back and waves to Ben before heading to the guest room on the other side of the second floor away from Ben's room.]

Elena: [sighs softly as she turns to face Ben again, taking a step closer] So.

Ben: So. It's our last night for a few weeks. What are you thinking?

Elena: [shrugs as she makes her way closer] Beyond spend it with you? I'm not sure.

Ben: We could just spend it in my room, or we can do other things.

Elena: [she slips her arms around his neck] Well, considering I just dropped the bomb of all bombs on you - what do you want to do?

Ben: I just want to make love to you so well that the memory of it will get me through the next few weeks.

Elena: [she smiles softly at that, before leaning in to kiss him] Then that is exactly what we should do.

Ben: [leads her upstairs to do just that]

Elena: [goes with and they do exactly as he says]

Ben: [and keep repeating until they both fall asleep in exhausted slumber, intertwined]

Elena: [and the next morning she wakes up with a frown, watching the clock to avoid getting out of bed]

Ben: [meanwhile the body next to her is tense, his eyes twitching caught up in a nightmare in his mind]

Elena: [when she feels him tense, she turns to face him] Ben?

Ben: [shaking a bit, whimpering] No, stay away.

Elena: [frowns before reaching over and shaking his shoulder gently] Ben, wake up.

Ben: [and he wakes up, his eyes snapping open and he's panting, sweating, his eyes not focusing right away]

Elena: [she hushes him softly, pulling him in closer and brushing a kiss against his forehead] Shh. It's okay. It's just me.

Ben: [he looks up at her, then swallows and curls up into her] It was just a nightmare.

Elena: [nods a bit as she does] Want to tell me about it?

Ben: [he nods] I'm in a cage. It's dark, and I can't get out. There are others there but I can't see them, just hear them crying. I was so scared.

Elena: But you got out. You escaped - you're here.

Ben: I know, but I felt like I was back there. If you hadn't woken me, she would have shown up.

Elena: Who's she?

Ben: I don't know her name. But it's the monster woman. And if she's angry at you, she lights herself on fire.

Elena: [she frowns, trying to process that] Ben, tell me about what took you.

Ben: I don't remember anymore. [he shook his head] They told me she had lost her children and had a mental break and kidnapped kids who looked like them.

Elena: Depending on what it was that took you? I don't think her getting set on fire was her being angry. I think that's whoever it was that rescued you killing her.

Ben: It was Dean. He was working for the FBI at the time. He and Sam.

Elena: [she doesn't correct him. She said she wouldn't] So her setting herself on fire was Dean killing her. It's a good thing, not a bad one.

Ben: Why would an FBI agent set a woman on fire?

Elena: She wasn't a woman, Ben. She was a monster.

Ben: [he just takes a deep breath] Right. A monster.

Elena: [brushes a hand over the top of his head] But she's gone now. That's what matters.

Ben: Right.

Elena: [she closes her eyes] I'm sorry I can't stay longer. We could talk through this more.

Ben: I know. You have a plane to catch. [he looks up at her, reaching up to touch her face]

Elena: [leans into his hand a bit] You can always call me.

Ben: Oh, I will. You're going to be sick of my voice after a while.

Elena: [she smiles] I don't think so.

Ben: And when you're done with school for the summer, you and me have a date to Ireland.

Elena: We do. It'll be something to look forward to.

Ben: [he leaned up to kiss her] A lot of things to look forward to, I promise.

Elena: [kisses him back] I'll hold you that.

Ben: [smiles and rolls over on the bed, pulling her on top of him]

Elena: [goes with him, pressing closer as she leans in to kiss him again]

Ben: [this is helping him get over the nightmare much nicer. His hands slide up her body, starting to get familiar with her curves and still enjoying the exploring]

Elena: [she hums softly into the kiss, one hand trailing down his chest]

Ben: [his hands cup her breasts, massaging them firmly] god what am I going to do without you.

Elena: [her back arches into his hand, pressing herself closer] Mmmm I think you'll manage.

Ben: Just barely.

Elena: It's just a few more weeks. And then you have me all to yourself for two whole weeks.

Ben: Too long. [ he sits up, nuzzling against her neck as he shifts her hips closer, pressing himself up inside of her]

Elena: [she moans as he slides into her, shifting her position a bit so that she can press back against his hips]

Ben: [pulls her closer as he sits against the headboard, making it easier for him to sit up and kiss her as they thrust against each other]

Elena: [she breaks the kiss just enough to pant against his lips as they continue to move, reaching behind him to grab the headboard and use it for leverage]

Ben: [his kisses trail along her shoulder, then cup her breast to suck on it until he isn't able to do anything more than gasp and pant]

Elena: [her breath comes in sharp, soft pants, an occasional moan slipping in here and there as she pushes closer and closer to the edge. It isn't long until she's falling over it, one hand gripping his shoulder tightly]

Ben: [he follows her, pulling her against him and burying his face in her shoulder, his arms wrapping protectively around her, not wanting to let her go]

Elena: [curls into him a bit as she close down, closing her eyes as she starts to relax again] It won't be as long as you think.

Ben: I'll think of you every day.

Elena: Me too.

Ben: You should probably shower before you go. [his fingers play with her hair.] I’ll make you and Jer breakfast for the drive to the airport?

Elena: [she nods, leaning in to kiss him again, before she gets ready to climb out of bed] Sounds good.