The Picket Fence Cliche

Kid Years

Technically it’s cheating. But Peter never said they couldn’t rig the game.

Teen Years

"Yeah, well graduating college does that. Now I'm racked with debt and no job."

"So... how many werewolves are there around this place, and why did they bite my best friend?"

"I swear to God I'm not stalking you."

"Would you like some meat with your tomato sugar?"

"But you're not writing the next great supernatural romance trilogy, then?"

"Hey, I'm already in good with the new overlord. You need to catch up if you don't want to be ruling over Antarctica."

"An emergency came up and I need to go punch someone in the face a few dozen times."

"And here I thought I was the insatiable predator."

"I'm ready for a break. Or new lungs. Either one would be good."

"You can just make faces at me with your eyebrows."

"Totally think your cousin is trying to keep Isaac as a pet."

"So no eating a Big Mac."

"There aren't even real wolves in California and you want me to believe that you were bitten by Lon Chaney?"

"My son is a werewolf. I think I've earned at least one drink."

"Don't move. Don't even get dressed. I'll be right back."

"I just hate math. And Science. And school in general."

"I wasn't sure if this was going to be a lot of walking or heavy terrain so I figured I would wait for you on the shoes."

"Basically, I'm gonna tackle you until you tackle me back."

"Because I walked in on them making out like a couple of teenagers under the overhang."

"I had almost made it through raising a teenage girl without drama. I was so close."

"I think I can stay a few more minutes."

"I'm gonna freaking shotgun that bitch in the face."

"Your doctor prescribes sleep. Lots of sleep."

"Near end of the world crazy and she still gets her homework done."

"Is it weird that I wish I was a bigger brat about it?"

"Derek, sweetie, we've been plotting against you since Cora could talk."

"You take over breakfast. I'll go track down Wile E. Coyote."

"And wine. There might have been too much wine."

"No. I have binders for that."

"Well, then it's a good thing I'm a patient person. Or an annoying nephew who won't give up easy."

"So all these years, you were training me to take your place?"

"Can I have a checklist or something? Just so I know how far along we are?"

"She doesn't understand that you're really committed to the technological Stone Age."

"And we can also look at the largest ball of twine."

"Victor's the alpha, he told me to regularly kick your ass until you kick mine back."

"It is a long story and you'll have to get me a lot more inebriated before I'll go there."

"Did you really think I would say no?"

"So, you know, sometimes I don't want to stop her when she's doing that. I mean, she looks totally hot working out. Better than I'd ever look."

"Please tell him I am going to buy him a cake."

"That's another part of my job. Charming very rich business men into loaning out a piece for a few weeks."

"He says there are rituals he needs to do. But he won't even give me a checklist."

"I even added check boxes for you to mark off each one."

"Your uncle would find you and put bars on my windows and yours."

"I think I had a nightmare like that once. I was a lesbian. It was ... weird."

"Why didn't he want me enough?"

"No matter how old they get, they're still three overgrown puppies."

"So let me guess, your boyfriend totally ditched you."

"Also I hope you can slow dance."

"But just because you won't touch me doesn't mean I won't touch me."

"I trained you, dipshit. So no."

"Leaving me alone with your sister can be very dangerous."

"You totally are a girl scout, aren't you? Always prepared."

"I'm human, Gordon. You know that's a no-no in the hunter playbook."

"I'm sure this is where most would insert the requisite 'hurt her and I will do some kind of horrible violence' but ... well, Nadia will probably take care of that herself."

"No knives. No anything sharp. You are regulated back to being five and I'm feeding you and don't even think about complaining about it."

"Speak up, I can't hear you berating me."

"For absolutely terrible food that's been processed and deep fried and guaranteed to clog my arteries? Abso-fucking-lutely."

"Yeah, well I'm taken. And you can glare at them if they are staring at my ass in these pants."

"You promised me dancing. You get an explanation when you follow through."

"However I was really distracted by this hot bridesmaid who I swear looks like my girlfriend, but she was in this dress and my girlfriend doesn't do dresses."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that people need to be warned about other people's sex lives."

"Hey! Hope I didn't keep you waiting long."

"What on earth would you need a ... are you seriously stealing my wedding thunder?"

"I was bullied into it. They held a gun to my head."

"Best if we just get me back to my bike before I lose circulation."

"When you've got two girls working odd hours, and a seven year old who thinks he's a rock star on a skateboard, you have this place."

"We're here to help a seven year-old kid, not use my love life for cannon fodder."

"Well, I think considering neither of us outright punched her in the face, we can consider it a win."

"So you're basically giving me permission to come and terrorize your roommate."

"You're going to be mad at me."

"... If her heart's beating normally when I'm actually paying attention to that then I'm doing something wrong."

"I was walking into a coffee shop, not entirely paying attention to what was happening around me as most New Yorkers do, when I found myself being assaulted by a mochaccino."

"Yes, Peter is Nadia's mate. We try not to call him her boy toy to his face."

"This is it."

"Too sick."

"I just wish I could be sure."

Adult Years

“What’s wrong with you?”

"Because I'm pretty sure I'd be a horrible, blubbering mess if you left me now."

"Don't worry about it, bro. What's a wedding without a bit of drama, right?"

“This was nice.”

"Hey, I can promise that. Because I've been protecting people a very long time, and I've gotten really good at it."

"Hey, you. Move over for the pregnant lady."

"Your wife sends her regards."

"As the resident crazy person, I'm making an executive decision."

"I thought so! Or I hoped so. But you gotta figure how many people are there in the world that go by 'Stiles'."

"You don't threaten my family."

"Stiles. Will you give it a few sessions before you pre-judge my technique?"

"In their beta form they'd make a good quaffle."

"You've got that 'stuck in my head' look."

"Well, I hope so. I help pay the bills after all."

"So I was thinking that new little cafe that opened was due our patronage."

"Let's talk about Cora."

"Tell me what you want me to do."

"Fine. I'll find a red dress. But I can't promise it'll be sexy."

"Acknowledging that you know it's cheating before you do it does not make it any less cheating."

"And here I just brought you up here to seduce you, not get a wedding proposal."

"And that's my cue for 'go take a shower, kid.'"

"Well, hopefully she won't get into nearly as much trouble as her namesake."

"IS IT BABY TIME?"

"You are way more naked than I am right now."

"You didn't sell my firstborn for something, did you?"

"Scott, why did I lose Thursday?"

"I have handled three children, one niece, four grandchildren and two children with Scott McCall's DNA. I think I can handle one more."

"Your dad always looks at me funny."

"Aww, so I don't look like a whale in the photos. Your aesthetic standards please me."

"This all has to be good for something. Now go!"

"I prefer body heat."

"I think the hospital threw a party when I checked out."

"I'm gonna go with magic. Pretty sure that's the answer."

"Well, you know, this promise of amazing sex...."

"No, not in the room, though I did get a letter about telling my lady friend that the walls are not ladders."

"Peter is so much better at this than I am."

"You missed the end of the movie, sleepyhead."

"Yeah, but I think she tried to get Haru in a tutu while they were in that form as well, so she's not completely innocent."

"Most of my friends were his friends. And Greg got them in the divorce."

"I have never been so happy to be able to smell you."

"So this is what parenting is like. Being too exhausted to make out with your wife every night..."

"I just found a dead body. What do you think?"

"My plan actually has a lot of that. And very little clothing."

"I'm pretty sure the only end goal he has right now is to somehow transcend his age and turn into Batman."

"I didn't know he was a frog prince! It's not my fault!"

"Just remind me that I should be happy about this when it's playing soccer with my kidneys."

"Are we going to be turning my baby into a cyborg?"

"You aren't shipping all of our children off to the circus."

"You biting me is not going to turn me."

"You've been in Beacon Hills how long and you haven't heard about the werewolves yet?"

"... Please don't make me start crying again, I may not actually stop."

"You read the movie?"

"But Peter totally gave me the 'do your geek thing' look so I'm going to blame him for this."

"Yes, well, I'm sure if we take a sheriff's deputy, they'll want to be as cooperative as possible."

"It was a dream. It was just a dream."

"You're going to have your own battles. You and Stiles have to keep nine children from figuring out how to hotwire the jet and fly home."

"How bad is 'not good'?"

"I think we've talked more tonight that we have for the last few years combined."

"Sure, lower my filters to get me to reveal horrible stories from my past. I always forget how horrible of a person you can be."

"Problem is, you don't know shit about my mother, and I've been kicking Derek's ass since he was three."

"Long as you promise me you're not going to steal a car and drive back to California."

"If we're going to get into a little war about who misses who more, you're going to be very upset when I win."

"There are so many incredibly inappropriate suggestions I could make to that comment."

"So we can just sit back and relax now. No more crazy possessing fox on the streets."

"I'm hallucinating."

"I'm aware, you're giving me indigestion."

"Yeah, well you've never seen Cora and I being stubborn at each other. It’s enough stubborn to power Los Angeles for a week."

"I fainted, didn't I?"

"Lucy is not so patient and I made the mistake of putting you in arms reach."

"But ponies? Next will be Disney Princesses and then I'm just going to be in a corner with my action figures all alone."

"Of course I did. I always get what I want."

"But I don't even get to know where we're going? Are the flight attendants going to speak in code?"

"So does this mean I get to tell people that I actually am messed up in the head?"

"But I did not make dinner because my back is killing me and my feet hurt so you may have to fend for yourself."

"Ellie, this is the textbook definition of 'Too old for you.'"

"No saving yourself. Just go while I still have some dignity left."

"Stiles says you're welcome to stay for dinner, which means you’re welcome to the living room if you want to stay, but I have to go soothe a needy four year-old with a little quality reading time."

"You know that big important thing we thought I couldn't do? Apparently it wasn't as ... impossible as we thought."

"If nothing else, I enjoy listening to your father freak out when I tell him things like that."

"Well, if you're sure, I'll go racing and you can have the really hot sex another time."

"Have you met your Uncle Cormac? I've never tried to get rid of him, what makes you think I would get rid of you?"

"Do I need a reason to want to have sex with my really hot boyfriend?"

"You are free to kick me under the table if you think I need to change the subject."

"I'm exhausted, my everything hurts and I think I grew a liver today. Somehow that translates into glowing?"

"I'm an Irish Catholic bartender. We're left little room for anything else but drinking and stewing with our guilt."

"I'm going to bathe Dina in sanitizers before and after school from the rest of her life."

"I should go into the office for a bit. Show my face, make sure Sam knows I'm not disappearing entirely into a mom bubble."

"Your grandmom is trying to find something out, and she needs to work harder if she's going to find it out."

"What, I can't just show up anymore to spend time with my mother?"

"Saving souls in creative ways. I like you."

"And if he doesn't like it, he can change it when he's eighteen and wants to complain about how overbearing we are and how we ruined his life in some teenage tantrum."

"Child Services would have taken you from me if I let you live in a cave out on the preserve."

"I'm a Time Lord. That's my story and I'm sticking to it."

"I was selling Anya up on playing with Dina and the boys for the afternoon. As long as they don't plot on taking over the world before dinner, you should be free of them."

"You know I'm good at getting information. And your brothers are horrible at keeping secrets."

"I've been good lately at letting pregnant women order me around without question."

"Someone who's experienced the outside world. Consider me intrigued."

"I think we should try it. Just once. For science."

"Teamwork makes a marriage work, and keeps her from killing me."

"Okay, maybe this won't work, Stiles. My husband does not have a sense of humor."

"I'm done with math for the day. Keep your math cooties away from me."

"Evil grasshopper creatures wanting food and sex to take over the world."

"Princess Deputy, thank you."

"And trust me, if we wanted to hurt you, we wouldn't do it over pizza."

"Hi. I think you have something of mine."

"That does sound less like a swearing hillbilly, but I don't know if he's going to want to be called Sammy forever."

"It's very hard to suck at sucking."

"Lies. She is a tiny little dance Nazi."

"You know, I think quintuplets run in my family..."

"He tried to take my cookie the other day but I slapped his hand. I got a time out but I got the cookie so it was worth it."

"We just started. I am not here to enable your hormones."

"I tried and no one can judge me."

"Why what... oh crap I didn't notice the time."

"Also, staying in your respective groom corner. That works too."

"If I wasn't so tired, I'd say we should make the plane wait."

"Well, if it isn't the Ghost Whisperer."

"Welcome to the world of matriarchal societies."

"You need to arrest me."

"One day he will figure it out and I will go up a lot in being a cool grandpa status."

"Do you think God would set me on fire if I stepped into a church?"

"No 'my parents are secretly spies' or anything like that?"

"Me and up are not exactly compatible at the moment."

"Derek's son was kidnapped because paternal grandfather happens to be one of the oldest alphas in existence and he's now arranging a suicide mission involving my newly beta brother and alpha sister-in-law as well as some other alphas to retrieve and have Klaus kill him so that he can regain his alpha abilities again."

"I already have a pack."

"He's always running late. We really do need a better class of friend."

"But you could think of it like reparations for pain and suffering."

"You gave away my bacon."

"Just ... to indulge the girl who's been in a mental hospital for the past six months ... are you actually here? Or is this my subconscious finally giving up the ghost?"

"Someone call for a ride?"

"So now that Uncle Jordan's back, when are you going to have a baby?"

"Plus, I still think Ellie wants to steal him for herself."

"I used to dress your Uncle Derek up in my old dresses all the time."

"Too bad the mate bond doesn't come with telepathy."

"No looking gift horses in the mouth, and no accepting gift ponies until eighteen."

"I'm at least down to... a temperature that won't fry the earth."

"It's just an unfortunate side effect of dealing with a newborn."

"So I guess that answers how fancy is fancy."

"Sensibility is a recessive gene."

"No. I only eat other dinosaurs. You're a person."

"I was just about to call you."

"Landon Chase, as I live and breathe."

"He turns eighteen in two weeks. I'm leaving Beacon Hills in three."

"Rephrase: That is the one form of sequins I won't do."

"Wait, Cora stop. Hold on. You're a werewolf."

"Why do people have clocks anymore, grandma? You have the time on your phone."

"I did tell you to pack something you didn't mind walking in the sewers with."

“I don’t think they’re going to bite.”

"Takeout, a movie, and maybe getting some real sleep?"

"So Mommy, we are having a science fair!"

"Ben's walking."

"Remember in college where we used to get in at dawn?"

"It's half a house."

"We could see clouds. And birds. And buildings. And boats."

"Now remember, you gotta let the right dog come to you, okay?"

"Do you think they're tired yet?"

"I am like, five minutes away from being done."

"Come on, Ryan! I've already got five!"

"Hey, can you guys come here for a sec?"

"Hello, Mrs. Stilinski. Come in please."

"Jake, go bug your dad. Mommy's sleeping in."

"So what do we want to see first, kiddos?"

"You need a minute?"

"Now remember, Lucy, we let the puppy run into Mom's room first."

“If Hannah loses can we still stay for the rest of them?”

“I am not getting out of this bed.”

“I did something wrong, didn’t I?”

“How was your flight?”

“Want to take a walk?”

“I’ll explain after.”

“It’s … very late.”

“Straighten up your frame a bit. Keep your back straight and your arms steady.”